University  of  California  •  Berkeley 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 


GIFT  OF 

PROFESSOR 
GEORGE  R.  STEWART 


ETIQUETTE 


OF 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN  WASHINGTON. 


BY 

MRS.  MADELEINE  VINTON  DAHLGREN. 


FIFTH  EDITION. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

J.    B.   LIPPINCOTT    &    CO. 

1881. 


V2. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1873,  by 

MRS.  MADELEINE   VINTON   DAHLGREN, 

In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington,  D.  C. 


Copyright,  1881,  by  Madeleine  Vinton  Dahlgren. 


PEEFAOE. 


We  desire,  in  issuing  this  fifth  edition  of  our 
little  work  on  the  "Etiquette  of  Social  Life  in 
Washington/^  anew  to  express  our  gratification  at 
the  favorable  reception  it  has  met  with,  and  also  to 
renew  our  thanks  for  the  assurances  received  from 
many  official  personages,  as  well  as  others  of  dis- 
tinction in  our  society  here,  that  the  views  herein 
given  are  considered  correct  and  logical,  and  a7'e 
accepted  as  authority. 

We  have  been  repeatedly  requested  to  enlarge 
this  treatise  on  the  peculiarities  of  Washington 
Social  Life,  so  as  to  combine  with  it  a  Manual  of 
Etiquette,  and  make  it  a  text-book  of  good  breeding. 
While  we  are  very  sensible  of  the  implied  compli- 
ment of  supposing  us  capable  of  giving  such  large 
instructions  as  would  form  polished  manners,  yet 
we  would  be  appalled  at  the  magnitude  of  such  an 
undertaking ! 

There  is  a  trite  saying,  "  that  it  takes  three  gener- 
ations to  make  a  lady  or  a  gentleman."  While  we 
can  in  no  wise  admit  a  statement  so  greatly  at  vari- 
ance with  the  most  cherished  maxims  of  our  repub- 
lican institutions,  which  justly  base  all  distinction 
upon  personal  merit  alone,  yet  this  axiom  of  the 
Old  World  has  this  significance  for  us :     It  implies 

3 


PREFACE. 


that  sensibility  is  an  innate  gift  which  must  be 
"  born  with  us,"  and  no  book  or  set  of  rules  ever 
written  or  invented  can  confer  refinement  where 
the  nature  is  coarse  and  the  education  has  been  neg- 
lected. We,  therefore,  hold  in  slight  estimation  all 
treatises  purporting  to  form  good  manners,  which,  to 
be  genuine,  must  have  a  deeper  foundation  than  any 
book  can  give.  But  the  official  life  here  leads  to 
perplexing  social  questions,  and  demands  a  special 
code  of  social  laws  to  meet  it ;  and  this  is  the  pecu- 
liar phase  of  life  at  the  seat  of  government  that  our 
"  Etiquette'^  is  intended  to  explain. 

We  have  not,  therefore,  materially  enlarged  our 
first  work,  other  than  to  add  a  chapter  to  the  Ap- 
pendix with  regard  to  '^  Some  Points''  which  we  had 
not  at  first  elucidated  with  the  requisite  care. 

It  has  been  suggested  that  the  rapidly  increasing 
demands  of  Washington  life  require  some  change 
of  hitherto  accepted  forms  in  order  to  make  it  pos- 
sible to  meet  the  weight  of  social  obligation.  These 
contemplated  innovations  we  shall  allude  to. 

The  charming  musical  fragment,  ^^  If  order  is 
Heaven^ s  first  law,^^  was  written  by  the  great  maestro 
Hans  von  Biilow  as  a  prelude  to  this  fifth  edition 
of  "  Etiquette  of  Social  Life  in  Washington,"  and 
presented  to  us  with  the  request  to  have  it  so  pub- 
lished. We  are  happy  to  give  it  the  first  place,  which 
it  so  well  merits,  and  we  do  so  with  sincere  thanks 
to  this  gifted  artist  for  the  graceful  compliment. 


If  Order  is  Heaven's  First  Law." 


Canto, 


Piano, 


Maestoso,  ma  non  troppo. 


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ETIQUETTE 

OP 

SOCIAL  LIFE  IN  WASHINGTON. 


If  order  is  Heaven's  first  law,  we  should  not  re- 
gard as  beneath  careful  attention  the  proper  recog- 
nition of  rules  which  may  tend  to  avoid  confusion 
in  social  life. 

Because  we  are  a  rej^ublic  we  are  not  necessarily 
to  be  deprived  of  those  amenities  which  render  life 
agreeable  and  assist  to  cultivate  good  feeling. 

Courtesy  may  be  considered  but  as  the  mirror  of 
charity,  and,  although  it  may  often  become  an  un- 
meaning semblance  of  benevolence,  yet,  if  we  as- 
siduously cultivate,  if  only  but  the  shadow,  we  may 
finally  hope  to  gain  the  reality.  Thus,  by  placing 
ourselves  in  excellent  relations  towards  others,  we 
may  eventually  acquire  that  sentiment  of  good  will 
which  may  at  first  have  been  but  a  mere  appearance. 

That  which  is  called  good  breeding  is  actually  the 
Golden  Kule  carried  into  practice,  and  is  therefore  a 
very  Christian  accomplishment.  Since  egotism  is  the 
most  dreaded  bane  of  society,  if  we  can  learn  so 

13 


14  ETiqUETTE  OF 


far  to  forget  ourselves  as  to  consider  the  just  claims 
of  others,  we  shall  have  gained  a  victory  over  self- 
ishness. But  our  intention  is  not  to  moralize  or 
present  trite  truisms,  but  to  place  within  the  scope 
of  a  few  pages  the  true  state  of  the  present  phase 
of  Washington  society  life. 

There  are  several  unsettled  questions  with  regard 
to  which  we  do  not,  of  course,  expect  or  intend  to 
do  more  than  to  indicate  how  it  seems  to  us  these 
points  may  be  amicably  adjusted. 

Washington  society  life  is  principally  official,  or, 
rather,  society  here  is  composed  in  so  great  a  degree 
of  official  personages  who  represent  the  mechanism 
of  the  state,  that  the  social  obligations  and  customs 
have  become  about  as  complex  as  the  constitutional 
laws  upon  which  the  official  are  based,  and  yet  we 
have  no  constitution  or  defined  code  which  makes 
our  social  laws  as  clear  as  our  political.  Yet  this 
should  be  the  case. 

No  reader  of  history,  however  superficial  his  view, 
but  must  have  noticed  how  constantly  the  gravest  af- 
fairs of  state  have  become  complicated  with  the  thou- 
sand seeming  nothings  of  every-day  life.  Nor  have 
we  been  at  all  exempt  from  such  entanglements.  On 
the  contrary,  every  one  at  all  familiar  with  the  past 
social  incidents  of  Washington  is  perfectly  aware  of 
various  occasions  in  which  animosities  have  been 
engendered  by  the  omission,  or  the  commission,  of 
certain   requirements   exacted   by  some  and  not  so 


SOCIAL   LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  15 

understood  by  others.  It  is,  indeed,  extraordinary 
that  this  subject  has  not  compelled  a  more  explicit 
understanding  long  ago,  in  view  of  the  many  em- 
barrassments, and  some  of  them  not  unimportant, 
that  have  already  arisen  from  alternate  neglect  or 
ignorance  of  social  observances  which,  in  order  to 
avoid  confusion,  should  be  well  understood  and 
carefully  weighed. 

Nor  can  ignorance  of  the  official  etiquette  prevail- 
ing here  be  construed  into  any  want  of  general  society 
training  elsewhere,  because  we  have  in  Washington 
a  very  exceptional  basis. 

When  the  republic  Avas  first  organized,  we  all 
know  that  the  venerated  Washington  and  his  stately 
wife  compelled  a  rigid  observance  of  social  etiquette 
towards  the  administration  in  its  various  branches. 
Jefferson,  in  consequence  of  his  radical  sentiments, 
introduced  various  innovations,  but  General  Jack- 
son, when  he  became  President,  first  broke  down 
the  barriers  of  careful  respect,  and  received  all 
comers  without  any  formal  or 'special  rules;  and 
the  consequence  was  that  a  disorder  and  rudeness 
characterized  those  receptions  hitherto  unknown,  and 
which  no  private  gentleman  in  the  country  would 
have  tolerated  in  his  own  home. 

If  our  stanch  republicanism  renders  us  unwilling 
to  acknowledge  that  the  President  and  his  wife  are 
the  "  first  gentleman  and  lady"  of  the  land,  yet  we 
may  assuredly,  without  danger  to  our  social  inde- 


16  ETIQUETTE   OF 

pendence,  accord  them  socially  that  respectful  defer- 
ence which  the  Constitution  gives  to  the  Executive 
in  the  exercise  of  his  granted  prerogatives.  Begin- 
ning here,  we  may  well  concede  to  the  various  De- 
partments that  social  recognition  which  is  in  harmony 
with  the  Constitution. 

Not  a  winter  passes  but  we  hear  the  same  questions 
asked  over  and  over  again  by  scores  of  persons  enter- 
ing for  the  first  time  into  public  life,  or  by  strangers 
who  come  here  to  participate  in  our  social  festivities, 
who  do  not  know  what  are  the  peculiar  social  re- 
quirements the  official  element  has  introduced.  We 
may  justly  commence  our  remarks  upon  these  pecu- 
liar exigencies  by  a  consideration  of  the  position  of 
the  Presidential  family. 

The  President,  as  the  executive  head  of  the  nation, 
is  properly  entitled  to  precedence.  This  first  place 
is,  of  course,  accorded  to  him  whenever  and  wher- 
ever he  appears  in  social  life.  His  social  privileges 
entitle  him  to  receive  all  calls  without  being  expected 
to  return  any.  In  conversation  he  is  addressed  as 
"  Mr.  President."  Some  choose  to  use  the  phrase 
"Your  Excellency,"  but  this  is  a  matter  of  taste 
only.  Usage  has  not  required  any  special  prelimi- 
nary formalities  in  order  to  make  the  acquaintance 
of  the  President.  During  the  session  of  Congress 
he  gives  stated  receptions,  and  all  persons  who  de- 
sire to  do  so  may  attend  these  levees.  Upon  entrance 
you  give  your  name  to  an  usher  and  are  announced. 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  ♦»17 

You  are  thereupon  introduced  to  the  President  by 
the  Marshal  of  the  District,  or,  at  times,  by  some 
otlier  person  who  may  have  been  designated  for  such 
purpose,  and  you  are  immediately  after  presented  to 
the  different  members  of  the  Presidential  family  who 
may  be  present.  Occasionally  some  embarrassment 
has  arisen  because  persons  on  entering,  in  place  of 
merely  giving  their  own  name  to  the  official  who 
makes  the  presentations,  stop  to  introduce  themselves 
the  friends  who  accompany  them.  This  causes  a  de- 
lay, which  arrests  the  throng  of  persons  who  are 
coming  in,  and  consequent  confusion  ensues.  In 
making  this  suggestion  we  refer,  of  course,  only  to 
the  public  levees,  which  are  usually  much  crowded, 
and  where  a  positive  form  of  introduction  insures 
equal  justice  to  all. 

In  case  you  are  precise,  you  leave  your  card  be- 
fore your  departure  from  the  Executive  Mansion. 
If  the  reception  is  held  in  the  morning,  the  usual 
costume  for  morning  receptions  suffices.  If  in  the 
evening,  a  full  toilette  is  demanded.  It  is  not  re- 
spectful to  appear  in  less  than  evening  dress  at  an 
evening  reception  given  by  the  President.  Even  in 
making  an  evening  call,  at  any  time,  it  is  more  proper 
to  make  at  least  a  demi-toilette.  Those  ladies  who 
are  fastidious  do  not  wear  a  bonnet  in  making  an 
evening  visit  at  the  President's.  We  have  seen  the 
wives  of  Foreign  Ministers  call  in  full  evening  dress. 
If  the  President  have  a  wife,  she  also  receives  the 


ig  ETiqUETTE   OF 

first  visit  from  every  one,  nor  is  slie  expected  to  re- 
turn any  visits.  Of  course,  if  she  desires  to  be  espe- 
cially kind,  she  is  at  liberty  to  make  visits,  although 
we  believe  it  has  been  found  a  safer  rule  not  to  make 
distinctions.  But  other  members  of  the  Presidential 
family  are  allowed  by  custom  to  return  visits  and 
acknowledge  civilities  tendered.  At  the  state  din- 
ners of  the  President  the  usual  etiquette  prevails  as 
at  other  dinner-tables  where  official  personages  are 
entertained. 

It  is  not  permissible  to  decline  a  dinner  or  other 
invitation  of  a  social  nature  sent  by  the  President, 
unless  in  case  of  your  own  illness  or  that  of  any 
member  of  your  family,  or  of  the  death  of  a  relative. 
When,  however,  it  is  imperative  to  send  a  regret,  ex- 
plain in  your  note  the  reasons  which  compel  a  non- 
acceptance.  Indeed,  it  is  more  respectful  to  state  the 
cause  rather  than  to  send  a  merely  formal  regret, 
whenever  an  excuse  of  sufficient  gravity  may  be  as- 
signed ;  so  that  it  may  plainly  appear  that  your 
absence  is  unavoidable. 

This  may  also  apply  to  other  invitations  which 
you  desire  to  treat  with  especial  consideration.  Any 
invitation  of  a  social  nature  extended  by  the  Presi- 
dent of  the  United  States  must  be  considered,  by 
courtesy,  as  a  command ;  and,  therefore,  it  is  allow- 
able to  waive  all  other  previous  engagements  made 
which  may  conflict  with  your  acceptance,  even  if  it 
happen  to  be  a  dinner.     But  in  no  other  instance 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  19 


may  an  invitation  to  dine,  onoe  accepted,  be  re- 
voked; and  even  in  such  case  you  should  mention 
the  nature  of  the  obligation  which  compels  you. 

The  United  States  is  so  vast  a  nation,  and  the  re- 
quirements upon  the  time  and  attention  of  the  Presi- 
dent are  so  pressing  and  unceasing,  that  the  physical 
possibility  of  meeting  the  demands  of  the  exalted 
position  becomes  a  serious  matter.  The  arrangement 
of  the  Executive  Mansion,  assigned  to  the  President 
for  such  various  uses,  would  seem,  in  our  humble 
opinion,  greatly  to  add  to  the  weight  of  the  burden 
which  has  to  be  borne.  This  mansion,  even  in  the 
present  youth  of  this  great  country,  is  already  hal- 
lowed by  so  many  interesting  associations  that  it 
has  become  dear  to  the  hearts  of  the  people,  and  it 
must  ever  be  regarded  as  a  place  of  treasured  mem- 
ories. But,  in  })oint  of  fact,  the  country,  by  reason 
of  its  immense  and  increasing  development,  now  re- 
quires a  more  liberal  provision  to  be  made  as  to  the 
surroundings  of  the  President  of  the  United  States. 

The  present  Executive  Mansion  does  not  exceed  in 
size,  if,  indeed,  it  is  sufficient,  for  executive  and  official 
purposes, — we  mean  for  the  transaction  of  public 
business  and  for  all  official  acts.  Belonging  to  the 
purely  official  life  should  be  classed  the  public  levees, 
the  state  dinners,  and  all  formal  presentations  and 
receptions. 

The  present  Executive  Mansion  should  be  held 
and  assigned  exclusively  to  these  purposes;  but  there 


20  ETIQUETTE   OF 


should  also  be  erected  a  home  for  the  President, — 
a  spot  more  secure  from  intrusion, — where,  after 
the  official  round  of  duties  has  been  met,  he  may 
claim  and  obtain  for  some  slight  portion  of  each 
day  a  measure  of  that  dignified  retiracy  Avhich  is  the 
privilege  of  every  other  gentleman  of  consideration 
in  the  land.  Then,  to  be  presented  privately  to  the 
President  and  his  family  in  their  home  circle,  should, 
as  in  the  days  of  our  beloved  Washington,  require 
the  same  evidence  of  respectable  social  standing  that 
other  gentlemen  of  refinement  expect  in  the  choice  of 
their  special  acquaintances  and  personal  friends. 

Whenever  a  Presidential  Mansion,  in  addition  to 
the  present  Executive  Mansion,  shall  be  provided, 
it  will  be  found  to  solve  many  displeasing  problems 
that  now  exist,  and  to  spare  much  harassing  fatigue 
now  involved.  As  it  is,  the  need  for  rest  from  rou- 
tine and  for  change  of  air  are  alike  so  imperative, 
that  for  many  years  past  it  has  grown  into  a  sort  of 
custom  that  the  President  becomes  the  guest  of  the 
invalid  soldiers  at  their  hoaie  during  the  summer. 
It  is  quite  disgraceful  that  the  nation  should  fail  to 
make  their  elected  chief  magistrate  their  own  hon- 
ored guest  at  all  times;  but  we  are  sure  that  all  that 
may  be  needed,  is  to  call  attention  to  the  insufficiency 
of  the  present  arrangements,  and  point  out  how  very 
incommensurate  they  are  with  the  dignity  of  the 
country. 

Certainly  no  country  exceeds  our  own  in  large  ex- 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  21 

penditiire,  where  any  measure  is  once  recognized  as 
necessary;  and  here  we  crave  permission  to  call  atten- 
tion to  that  apartment  known  by  courtesy  as  "  the 
State  Dining-Room"  of  the  present  Executive  Man- 
sion. This  room  is  miserably  small  for  a  banquet- 
hall.  Its  size  will  not  permit  over  forty  guests  to 
be  comfortably  seated  at  a  dinner ;  and  this  number 
can  never  represent  the  various  elements  that  should 
meet  at  a  state  dinner.  The  nation  should  provide 
a  banqueting-hall  of  sufficient  space  to  entertain, 
upon  occasions  of  state,  the  Diplomatic  Corps,  the 
Justices  of  the  Supreme  Court,  the  Cabinet,  and  the 
Senate  at  one  dinner. 

The  President  may  properly  be  addressed  in  writ- 
ing as  "His  Excellency,  the  President  of  the  United 
States,"  or  as  "  President  of  the  United  States."  The 
various  members  of  the  Cabinet  are  to  be  addressed 
respectively,  in  writing,  as  "The  Honorable,  the  Sec- 
retary of  State,"  "The  Honorable,  the  Secretary  of 
the  Treasury,"  "The  Honorable,  the  Secretary  of 
War,"  "The  Honorable,  tlie  Secretary  of  the  Navy," 
"The  Honorable,  the  Secretary  of  the  Interior," 
"The  Honorable,  the  Postmaster-General,"  and 
"The  Honorable,  the  Attorney-General ;"  the  Vice- 
President  and  the  Chief  Justice  as  Mr.  Vice-President 
and  Mr.  Chief  Justice.  Do  not  abbreviate  words  in 
sending  a  ceremonious  note.  When  an  official  title, 
as  in  the  case  of  diplomatic  functionaries,  is  very 
long,  whatever  portion  of  the  prefix  you  give,  use  the 


22  ETIQUETTE   OF 

entire  word,  and  then  add  "  etc.,  etc./^  in  an  under 
line,  which  is  supposed  to  include  all  that  is  claimed. 
All  abbreviations  are  in  bad  taste  in  formal  notes, 
whatever  may  be  the  title,  whether  civic,  military, 
or  naval.  The  word  "Present,"  written  on  an  en- 
velope, formerly  much  used,  is  now  quite  obsolete, 
except  as  confined  to  communications  of  a  business 
nature,  such  as  bills  sent,  and  the  Avord  Addressed 
or  the  French  words  "jEVi  Ville^'  have  superseded  its 
use.  Although  we  are  decidedly  opposed  to  the  in- 
troduction of  Gallicisms,  as  likely  to  emasculate  the 
vigorous  Saxon  of  our  noble  language,  yet  in  mat- 
ters of  polite  usage  we  may  well  continue  to  imitate 
our  ancestors  and  introduce  the  courtly  Norman 
phrases :  they  so  aptly  turn  aside  the  blunt  edge  of 
much  that  is  disagreeable  in  this  busy,  material  life 
we  lead.  But  we  do  object  to  that  hybrid  term,  the 
^'Republican  Court,  ^  which  we  so  often  hear.  It  is 
senseless,  and  an  anomaly;  or  if  it  have  a  meaning, 
it  is  still  more  to  be  deprecated,  as  incompatible  with 
the  spirit  of  the  framers  of  our  excellent  Constitu- 
tion. We  have  no  "Court  Circle,"  nor  do  we  ex- 
pect to  remain  a  republic  and  at  the  same  time  ape 
"Court"  manners.  We  have  a  social  as  well  as  a 
political  autonomy.  Let  us  preserve  these  with  an 
equal  jealous  care  and  dignity.  Our  official  etiquette 
is  not  intended  as  a  personal  compliment,  but  ad- 
dresses itself  to  the  office  borne;  so  that  it  remains 
strictly  in  harmony  with  our  republican  sentiments. 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  23 


When  the  incumbent  loses  office  he  becomes  ag-ain 
only  a  private  citizen  whom  the  republic  has  hon- 
ored. This  is  such  a  very  beautiful  provision  of  our 
legal  Constitution,  that  we  should  never  lose  sight  of 
its  bearing  on  social  life  and  manners.  It  is  the 
counteracting  and  saving  element,  as  opposed  to  all 
hereditary  distinction,  and  holds  each  man  and  wo- 
man intact  in  the  exercise  of  those  talents  by  which 
he  or  she  may  regulate  the  individual  destiny.  The 
very  words  '*  Republican  Court'^  have  a  fatal  sound 
of  Csesarism ;  and,  as  we  have  already  remarked, 
words  become  facts,— they  are  the  expression  of  the 
souFs  aspirations.  We  should  prove  to  the  world 
that  republican  manners  are  the  very  acme  of  true 
elegance  in  their  unaffected  simplicity. 

It  has  always  been,  and  still  remains,  a  matter  of 
discussion  as  to  whom  properly  belongs  the  second 
place  in  social  precedence,  and  equally  accomplished 
persons  differ  on  this  point.  This  position  is  claimed 
for  both  the  Chief  Justice  and  the  Vice-President, 
and  so  many  good  reasons  may  be  given  on  either 
side  that  until  a  social  congress  can  be  convened  to 
decide  this  and  some  other  controverted  points  there 
can  be  no  decision  attained.  It  seems  ta  us,  how- 
ever, that  the  Chief  Justice  exercises  functions  of 
such  sacred  importance  and  of  such  a  nature  that 
the  second  place  should  be  given  to  him.  He  pre- 
sides over  the  tribunal  of  ultimate  appeal,  he  holds 
his  office  for  life,  he  is  placed  beyond  all  the  muta- 


24  ETiqUETTE  OF 


tions  incident  to  most  other  officials,  however  exalted. 
We  have  only  to  read  the  Constitution  of  the  United 
States  to  be  impressed  with  the  immense  dignity  of 
his  position.  The  same  immutability  characterizes 
the  functions  of  the  other  Justices  of  the  Supreme 
Court,  who  hohl  their  positions  for  life,  and  are 
placed  on  a  higher  plane,  and  one  above  the  polit- 
ical excitements  of  the  country.  These  gentlemen 
are  to  be  respectively  addressed  in  conversation  as 
Mr.  Chief  Justice  and  as  Mr.  Justice;  and  it  has 
been  usual  to  accord  them  precedence  over  Cabinet 
Ministers  and  Senators,  for  at  times  they  may  exer- 
cise a  controlling  influence  over  the  Executive.  At 
least  we  have  seen  this  precedence  given,  although 
we  can  recall,  in  our  earlier  life,  some  bitter  feuds 
on  this  score  between  the  wives  of  Court  and  Cabi- 
net dignitaries,  and  we  never  yet  remember  to  have 
heard  of  a  feminine  warrior  retreating  when  she  once 
was  committed  to  open  battle.  So  these  ladies  may 
have  left  a  legacy  of  contested  honors  to  those  who 
came  after  them.  If  so,  in  the  name  of  Heaven's  first 
law,  let  us  have  peace. 

If,  then, — for  we  tread  on  shaking  ground, — these 
Justices  walk  in  their  silken  robes  so  high,  why  not 
give  the  Chief  Justice  precedence  over  the  Vice- 
President?  And  this  we  venture  to  suggest  without 
any  derogation  to  the  exalted  position  of  the  Vice- 
President,  whose  chief  dignity  arises  from  his  being 
President  of  the  United  States  Senate ;  for,  as  Vice- 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  25 

President  simply,  he  has  no  cares,  no  special  duties, 
no  political  significance.  His  political  importance  is 
rather  anticipatory  than  actual.  Yet  we  must  say 
that  we  would  only  rather  avoid  this  difficulty  at 
our  own  table  by  being  careful  not  to  invite  these 
two  high  dignitaries  to  meet  at  the  same  time. 

Succeeding  the  President,  the  Vice-President,  the 
Chief  Justice,  comes  the  Speaker  of  the  House,  who, 
as  well  as  the  Vice-President,  is  a  possible  successor 
to  the  Presidency,  and  although  he  may  be,  and 
generally  is,  a  political  power  of  the  first  impor- 
tance, yet  socially  he  comes  in  the  fourth  place. 
He  is  addressed  in  conversation  as  "  Mr.  Speaker.^' 
All  these  gentlemen  we  have  mentioned  receive  the 
first  visit  from  all  others. 

The  General  of  the  Army  and  the  Admiral  of  the 
Navy  occupy  very  exceptional  positions.  They  fill 
stations  made  for  them  by  a  grateful  country  in 
recognition  of  special  services,  and  the  rank  they 
hold  has  been  bestowed  upon  them  for  life.  Yet, 
properly  speaking,  they  leave  no  successors  except 
as  the  roll  of  fame  shall  proclaim  these  trumpet- 
tongued  to  the  nation.  As  to  the  social  precedence 
their  rank  entitles  them  to,  inasmuch  as  they  move, 
as  it  were,  in  eccentric  orbits,  they  may  be  allowed 
the  brilliant  revolutions  of  lumiuaries  which  appear 
in  the  heavens  and  disappear  without  interruption  to 
the  general  plan ;  in  plain  words,  they  are  special 
creations,  and  not  an  essential  part  of  the  machinery 


26  ETIQUETTE   OF 


of  the  state,  and  leave  no  successors  to  their  places. 
We  believe  they  come  after  the  four  classes  of  officials 
we  have  mentioned,  and,  we  suppose,  relatively  to 
each  other,  according  to  the  order  of  the  creation  of 
the  Army  and  Navy  Departments  by  the  Govern- 
ment. This  rank,  it  seems  to  us,  is  theirs  by  right, 
and  not  by  courtesy  alone,  as  the  General  of  the 
Army  and  the  Admiral  of  the  Navy  represent  the 
two  arms  of  the  Government  through  whom  it  must 
act  directly  in  case  of  war.  Some  are  of  opinion  that 
these  special  creations  should  hold  social  positions  of 
precedence  subordinate  to  the  Cabinet  and  to  the 
Senate.  Regarding  this,  we  would  ask.  To  what 
dizzy  height  may  the  Senate,  expressing  the  acclaim 
of  the  nation,  and  vested  with  the  confirming  power 
by  the  Constitution,  raise  those  whom  they  delight 
to  honor?  Does  this  august  body  take  these  patri- 
otic defenders  of  the  republic  from  the  gates  of  the 
Temple  of  Janus,  which  these  heroes  have  closed, 
invest  them  with  titles  as  with  a  shining  raiment, 
and,  at  the  same  moment,  limit  thei?^  own  power  of 
conferring  this  lustre  of  renow^n?  Does  not  the  very 
precedence  which  may  be  thus  assigned  them — this 
place  set  apart  by  common  consent,  as  in  the  case  of 
the  Chief  Magistracy — present  the  utmost  possible 
inducement  the  country  may  offer  to  stimulate  mili- 
tary and  naval  achievement?  Nor  can  the  Senate 
be  less  in  honor  when  It  thus  assists  to  build  so  high 
the  bulwarks  of  the  Executive  in  time  of  war;  and 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  27 

it  must  not  be  overlooked,  as  we  have  already  said, 
that  no  general  rule  can  become  established  here,  for 
at  the  death  of  the  incumbents  the  stations  disappear. 
It  will  then  anew  require  the  Promethean  spark  of 
genius  aiding  opportunity  to  revive  the  rank.  Until 
such  time  may  again  come,  the  Army  and  Navy  will 
once  more  be  commanded  by  the  Senior  Officer  of 
tlie  service,  and,  routine  resuming  its  sway,  the  old 
place  under  the  respective  Departments  will  be  as- 
signed. 

Among  officers  of  the  Army  and  Navy  there  exists 
a  corresponding  rank, — the  Lieu  ten  ant-General  and 
the  Vice- Admiral,  the  Major-General  and  the  Rear- 
Admiral,  the  Brigadier-General  and  the  Commodore, 
the  Colonel  of  the  Army  relatively  to  the  Captain 
of  the  Navy,  and  so  on  pari  passu.  Upon  this  rule 
a  social  precedence  can  alone  be  placed  whenever 
formal  or  ceremonious  occasions  require  it.  In 
England  the  Navy  has  precedence  over  the  Army, 
inasmuch,  we  suppose,  as  the  British  nation  in  the 
highest  degree  owes  its  grandeur  and  prosperity  to 
the  perfection  of  its  naval  power  and  to  its  commer- 
cial marine.  Hence  every  possible  incentive  to  aim 
at  brilliant  success  is  given  by  England  to  the  Navy. 
But  the  American  nation,  considering  the  magnitude 
of  its  seaboard  and  interior  seas,  is  strangely  apathetic 
about  granting  the  highest  form  of  encouragement  to 
naval  achievement,  and  social  Jionor  is  recognized  the 
world  over  as  the  very  culmination  of  success.     In 


28  ETIQUETTE   OF 


this  matter,  as  in  all  others,  the  political  uses  domi- 
nate with  us.  It  is  one  of  the  vices  of  our  system. 
The  soldier  votes,  while  the  sailor  at  sea  makes  even 
this  highest  sacrifice  of  his  "  birthright"  for  his  un- 
grateful country.  And  sometimes  poor  Jack  does 
not  receive  his  "  mess  of  pottage"  in  return. 

We  have  now  to  consider  the  Cabinet;  and  here 
we  must  remark  that  so  much  confusion  at  once 
appears  as  really  to  make  the  whole  subject  a  dis- 
couraging one. 

As  to  the  Cabinet,  relatively  to  each  other,  the 
order  observed  is  that  priority  in  which  these  offices 
were  created, — thus :  the  State,  the  Treasury,  the 
War,  the  Navy,  the  General  Post-Office,  the  Inte- 
rior, and  the  Department  of  Justice.  The  chiefs  of 
these  Departments  form  the  Executive  Council  of  the 
Administration,  but  at  the  same  time  they  are  actual 
Heads  of  Departments  of  State.  These  functionaries 
alike  expect  to  receive  calls,  and  alike  claim  the  same 
privileges;  and  it  is  only  upon  state  occasions,  such 
as  official  receptions,  or  formal  state  dinners,  or  other 
state  ceremonials,  that  their  order  need  be  specially 
defined.  Yet  these  situations  are  of  not  unfrequent 
occurrence,  and  no  embarrassment  should  arise  when 
they  do  present  themselves. 

It  has  been  a  contested  point  as  to  who  should  pay 
the  first  visit  upon  each  other, — the  Cabinet  officer  or 
the  Senator, — but  there  would  seem  to  be  a  growing 
tendency  to  yield  to  the  Senatorial  claim.   This  claim 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  29 


is  based  on  the  argument  that  the  Senator  represents 
State  sovereignty,  and  that  the  dignity  is,  consequently, 
superior  to  that  of  the  Cabinet  officer,  whose  nomi- 
nation the  Senate  confirms  by  its  vote,  and  who  is 
appointed  constitutional  aid  and  adviser  of  the  Presi- 
dent. Yet  the  Cabinet  officer  is  something  more 
than  this ;  for,  presiding  over  an  entire  Department 
of  the  Government,  he  possesses  both  power  and 
dignity  of  function.  As  to  his  confirmation  being 
subject  to  the  vote  of  the  Senate,  the  Senator,  in  turn, 
is  subject  to  the  State  Legislature  for  his  appoint- 
ment, and  this  line  of  reasoning  would  place  a  State 
Senator  above  a  United  States  Senator,  and  the 
Great  Unwashed  above  the  State  Senator.  Evidently, 
we  cannot  go  back  to  first  principles  too  closely  in  a 
republic  in  order  to  regulate  our  ceremonial. 

But  we  do  not  propose  to  enter  the  domain  of 
constitutional  law,  but  simply  to  explain  points, 
some  established  and  others  controverted,  of  social 
law,  and  give  reasons,  where  any  exist,  for  certain 
customs. 

To  our  apprehension,  leaving  grave  Cabinet  Min- 
isters and  Senators  to  arrange  questions  of  relative 
social  importance, — or  rather  their  wives  to  do  this  for 
them,  for  it  is  women  who  are  social  agitators  in  the 
Republic, — we  really  think  that  Senators' wives  might 
safely  yield  this  point  to  the  Cabinet,  when  all  the 
circumstances  are  considered;  or  if  this  cannot  be 
effected,  at  least  let  a  compromise  be  made,  that  cer- 


30  ETIQUETTE  OF 


tain  privileges  are  to  be  accorded  by  courtesy,  still  to 
be  held  in  reserve  as  a  7nght. 

The  ladies  of  the  Cabinet  have  literally  the  pub- 
lic at  their  doors,  and  no  one  woman  can  possibly 
have  health,  strength,  and  endurance  to  enable  her 
to  meet  the  heavy  burden  imposed.  These  ladies 
are  few  in  number,  their  residence  here  is  fixed, 
central,  and  well  known,  while  the  families  of  Sen- 
ators often  come  here  for  a  short  period  of  time  only, 
and  unless  they  call  in  person,  or  send  their  card 
giving  their  address,  the  utmost  vigilance  may  not 
detect  their  momentary  presence.  It  is  true  that  many 
Senators  have  permanent  residences  here  also,  and 
even  live  in  a  superior  style  to  Cabinet  officers,  yet  we 
now  speak  of  the  general  rule.  The  rapidly-increas- 
ing size  of  our  society  really  demands  that  there  should 
be  some  exemption  allowed  by  custom  to  the  higher 
officers  of  the  executive,  with  regard  to  the  personal 
notice  of  visits.  If  it  were  once  understood  that  to 
return  a  call  by  a  card  sent,  and  afterwards  acknowl- 
edge the  visit  received  (in  all  cases  where  *the  person 
who  calls  has  any  social  claims  that  are  recognized 
in  general  society)  by  cards  of  invitation  to  recep- 
tions, these  ladies  would  then  be  allowed  some  res- 
pite. To  return  a  thousand  visits  in  person  is  a 
hardship  none  can  realize  except  those  who  have 
attempted  the  task.  And,  moreover,  it  becomes  an 
utterly  senseless  formality.  Why  are  these  calls 
made  by  society  in  general  ?     They  are  made  as  a 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  31 

mark  of  respect  for  the  elevated  station,  and  also  in 
order  to  participate  in  the  receptions  which  these 
functionaries  give  from  time  to  time.  These  objects 
could  be  better  met  if  it  were  permissible  to  send 
cards  in  recognition  of  visits,  and  if,  where  personal 
visits  were  made,  the  exceptions  simply  included 
the  Supreme  Court,  the  United  States  Senate,  the 
Diplomatic  Body,  the  General,  and  the  Admiral, 
while  outside  of  these  functionaries  an  exception 
was  allowed  ;  and  if  this  rule  were  once  established, 
no  invidious  comments  could  be  made.  That  which 
renders  it  so  very  disagreeable  now  to  receive  a  card 
in  place  of  a  personal  visit,  is  the  knowledge  that 
your  c^U  is  not  treated  with  the  same  respect  that 
is  paid  to  that  of  others ;  but  a  general  rule  could 
not  produce  ill-feeling.  We  see  this  notably  in  the 
case  of  the  President  and  his  wife.  No  one  feels 
aggrieved  because  his  or  her  visit  is  in  no  manner 
returned  by  these  personages. 

Again,  the  card  receptions  that  Cabinet  Ministers 
find  it  incumbent  to  give  are  of  necessity  so  large 
that  they  are  unpleasantly  crowded  for  both  host  and 
guest.  Why  not  select  some  suitable  public  hall  for 
these  receptions,  and  let  each  Cabinet  Minister  hold 
therein  one,  two,  or  more  card  receptions  during  what 
is  called  "  the  season"  ?  We  know  of  no  social  ex- 
perience so  disagreeable  as  to  make  one  of  a  dense 
mass  of  human  beings  literally  packed  into  rooms 
of  ordinary  dimensions.     It  forms  no  compensation 


32  ETIQUETTE   OF 


that  it  is  the  "  polite  worlcF^  that  suffocates  you ! 
Let  any  cue,  philosophically  or  cynically  disposed, 
gain,  if  he  can,  a  few  inches  of  space  in  a  corner, 
and  become  a  spectator  of  such  scenes  as  occur  every 
winter  at  our  crowded  receptions,  and  the  sheer  ab- 
surdity of  calling  this  aggregation,  social  life,  be- 
comes at  once  apparent.  It  is  rather  to  be  wondered 
at  that  dreadful  accidents  have  not  before  now  re- 
called society  to  its  senses  in  this  matter.  We  have 
entered  many  a  hospitable  door,  and  looking  upward 
beheld  such  a  surging  mass  of  human  beings  on  the 
stairway  that,  dismayed  at  the  idea  of  wedging  our- 
selves into  this  fearful  crowd,  we  have  sent  our  wraps 
back  into  the  carriage  from  the  door,  rather  than  at- 
tempt to  gain  the  dressing-room,  and,  only  venturing 
far  enough  to  pay  our  respects  to  the  beleaguered 
host  and  hostess,  have  made  a  speedy  exit :  society, 
conversation,  beauty  of  effect,  were  all  lost,  all  ren- 
dered impossible,  through  want  of  space. 

And  this  evil  will  go  on  increasing,  unless  some 
changes  are  effected.  We  understand  that  the  Cabi- 
net of  the  present  administration,  alarmed  at  the 
heavy  burdens  borne  by  their  predecessors,  contem- 
plate making  some  change  with  regard  to  the  per- 
sonal return  of  visits.  But  it  seems  to  us  that  any 
departure  from  hitherto  established  usage  must  be 
made  by  common  consent^  to  be  well  received  or  ef- 
fective. 

This  change,  doubtless,  could  be  brought  about  if 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  33 

the  wives  of  all  the  leading  functionaries  of  state 
would  publish  a  card  defining  their  position  in  such 
a  way  as  to  make  it  evident  that  no  personal  dis- 
courtesy was  intended,  but  rather  the  reverse.  For 
if  physical  strength  can  by  any  device  be  saved  for 
hospitable  effort,  the  public  is  thereby  better  served. 
Yet  this  is  a  most  difficult  and  hazardous  experiment 
to  make.  The  result  would  be  that  in  some  cases  a 
card  would  be  left  in  reply  to  a  personal  visit,  while 
for  others  exceptions  would  be  made. 

The  question  arises  at  once — especially  among 
people  of  consideration  who  are  not  in  official  life, 
and  who  would  thus  be  overlooked — whether  they 
will  consent  to  receive  so  partial  an  equivalent  for 
their  visit.  While  it  is  not  to  be  denied  that  official 
life  constitutes  a  leading  element  in  Washington  so- 
ciety, yet  the  official,  however  brilliant,  is  after  all 
so  very  ephemeral  that,  in  real  solidity  of  social  im- 
portance, the  resident  society  must  always  form  an 
essential  feature,  and  be  classed  as  of  the  very  4lite. 

Now,  this  resident  society  has  reason  to  be  jealous 
of  its  privileges,  for  these  are  securely  based  upon 
the  highest  respectability.  The  peculiar  influences 
and  cosmopolitan  atmosphere  of  the  National  Capi- 
tal have  given  it  refinement  and  breadth,  which  make 
it  too  valuable  an  accessory  to  be  overlooked.  If 
ladies  whose  husbands  occupy  official  positions  here, 
fail  to  recognize  with  due  consideration  the  resident 
social  circle,  it  is  to  be  feared  that  sufficient  reason 


34  ETiqUETTE   OF 


will  not  exist  to  induce  this  society  to  add  the  charm 
of  its  life-long  training  to  their  more  transitory  ex- 
istence. Even  in  Paris,  where  the  Minister  rarely 
makes  a  call  in  person,  except  upon  his  colleagues 
or  upon  a  representative  of  a  foreign  Power,  yet  if 
the  Minister  wishes  to  accord  particular  respect  to 
eminent  private  worth,  he  does  not  hesitate  to  do  so. 
For  instance,  aged  people  of  distinction  or  others  of 
extraordinary  merit  may  be  called  upon  without  any 
rule  existing  to  prevent  it.  Certainly  it  is  disagree- 
able to  receive  a  card  in  return  for  a  personal  visit, 
and  people  of  independent  social  position  who  have 
equal  society  favors  to  offer  in  exchange  will  hesitate 
long  and  perhaps  refuse  entirely  to  subject  themselves 
to  such  treatment. 

The  fact,  however,  cannot  be  overlooked,  that  all 
of  society  in  Washington  who  entertain  much,  suffer 
from  the  present  custom  of  being  expected  to  ex- 
change visits  in  person.  An  emancipation,  therefore, 
needed  more  or  less  by  all,  is  the  substitution  of 
exchange  of  cards  for  exchange  of  visits.  Such  sub- 
stitution would  give  more  time  and  a  fuller  measure 
of  strength  for  an  exchange  of  hospitality.  If  we 
could  ever  claim  this  happy  freedom,  and  an  ex- 
emption be  mutually  accorded  from  the  never-ceas- 
ing, never-ending,  meaningless  round  of  calls,  society 
life  in  this  city  would  reach  its  acme.  Then  tlie 
personal  visit  could  be  limited  to  the  recognition  of 
invitations,  or  as  a  mark   of  personal  regard,  for 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  35 

special  reasons.  What  an  ocean  of  inane  talk  would 
be  avoided,  what  painful,  irreparable  loss  of  precious 
time  saved ! 

No  great  importance  can  be  attached  to  the  mo- 
mentary morning  call,  other  than  as  the  formal  prel- 
ude to  a  better  acquaintance  at  the  social  reunions 
they  are  intended  to  precede.  If  society  would  only 
consent  to  assume  that  an  exchange  of  cards  was  to 
be  considered  as  but  a  complimentary  prelude  to  a 
higher  exercise  of  hospitality,  the  card  would  then 
be  graciously  received.  Of  course  no  one  person 
will  be  allowed  to  initiate  such  an  innovation.  Our 
social  customs,  like  our  language,  can  only  be  altered 
in  their  polite  uses  by  that  common  consent  that  makes 
law. 

If  ever  a  woman's  parliament  ought  to  be  con- 
vened, it  would  be  to  relieve  our  social  life  in  Wash- 
ington from  the  senseless  waste  of  time  involved  in 
the  tread-mill  routine  of  social  visits.  A  clever 
woman,  whom  we  met  making  a  round  of  reception 
visits  last  winter,  said  to  us,  "You  do  not  see  my 
chain,  but  I  am  a  galley-slave  none  the  less !" 

In  the  name  of  Liberty,  who  will  arise  to  strike 
off  our  shackles? 

The  same  controversy  as  to  the  first  visit,  which 
implies  precedence,  has  always  existed  as  regards  the 
Diplomatic  Body,  who  represent  other  countries  near 
our  own.  We  have  known  some  ladies  of  the  Sen- 
ate who  have  refrained  from  making  the  first  visit 


36  ETIQUETTE   OF 

upon  the  wives  of  Foreign  Ministers,  assigning  the 
same  reason,  that  the  Senators  represented  a  State 
sovereignty,  while  the  Minister  was  only  an  accred- 
ited functionary  from  a  foreign  power,  it  being 
held  that  the  Ambassador  or  Envoy  alone  properly 
represented  the  sovereignty  of  a  State,  and  this  rank 
is  not  often  sent  to  us.  Yet  the  Minister  Plenipo- 
tentiary and  Envoy  Extraordinary  certainly  has  a 
special  mission,  and  may  be  said  to  represent  State 
sovereignty,  if  not  the  person  of  the  sovereign.  This, 
of  course,  involves  the  question  of  relative  dignity, 
and  this  in  turn  involves  a  veritable  treatise  on  in- 
ternational law,  and  places  the  whole  subject  beyond 
the  patience  of  our  feminine  disputants.  We  would 
make  the  womanly  appeal,  in  behalf  of  the  foreigner, 
of  courtesy  to  the  stranger.  Based  upon  this  senti- 
ment, which  should  dominate  us  in  their  case,  we 
would  grant  a  Foreign  Minister  precedence  wher- 
ever it  can  at  all  be  given.  In  England  Foreign 
Ambassadors  take  precedence  of  the  English  nobles. 
This  precedence  relatively  to  each  other,  rank  being 
equal,  is  accorded  to  priority  of  residence  among  us. 
The  Dean  or  Doyen  enters  upon  his  functions  in 
virtue  of  length  of  stay  near  our  Government.  Yet 
we  have  witnessed  very  grave  offence  given  at  a 
dinner-table,  where  the  host  led  in  the  wife  of  a 
Foreign  Minister,  the  fair  belligerent  being  the  wife 
of  a  Senator  who  claimed  the  honor  as  her  due. 
Now,  since  it  is  to  be  presumed  that  the  special 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  37 

object  of  every  entertainment  is  to  promote  good 
will  and  not  to  foster  ill  will,  it  is  to  be  regretted 
that  no  definite  rule  as  regards  social  official  classi- 
fication prevails.  A  carefully  adjusted  ceremonial 
would  be  no  more  incompatible  with  republican 
institutions  than  the  legal  classification  which  now 
exists,  and  which  must  continue  to  endure.  These 
have  a  fixedness  coexistent  with  the  republic,  and 
our  social  life  is  their  complement.  Let  us  not  un- 
dervalue its  importance.  Daniel  Webster  called  a 
well-appointed  dinner  "the  climax  of  civilization." 
We  ought  to  be  able  to  reach  this  climax  smoothly. 
The  breakfast,  the  luncheon,  the  kettle-drum,  the 
four-o'clock  tea,  the  "  matinee  dansante/'  the  musicole, 
the  soiree  convet^sationale,  and  the  assembly  are  all 
and  each  charming  in  their  degree  as  adjuncts  of 
social  life,  yet  the  dinner  is  "  the  climax J^ 

Now,  there  are  some  dinner  rules  which  are  abso- 
lute, although  we  fear  at  times  they  are  either  mis- 
understood, or  at  all  events  disregarded.  It  seems 
needless  to  recapitulate;  and  yet  the  very  fact  that 
mistakes  are  so  often  made  must  serve  as  our  apol- 
ogy here.  For  instance,  an  invitation  to  dine  must 
be  precise,  and  should  be  couched  in  some  such 
formula  as  the  following  : 


38  ETIQUETTE   OF 


MR.  JONES 

BEQUESTS  THE   HONOR   OF 

MR.  SMITH'S 

COMPANY  AT   DINNER 

On 

Monday,  the  1st  December,  at  7  o' 

clock. 

JV^oi 

.  22,  '75.                                         i?.  ;S'. 

r.p. 

When  such  an  invitation  is  received,  an  answer 
should  not  only  be  given  in  writing,  but  it  should 
be  sent  at  the  very  earliest  moment  at  all  practica- 
ble. 

We  knew  a  diplomat  here,  renowned  for  courtly 
manners,  and  for  the  incomparable  dinners  which 
he  gave,  whose  answer  to  a  dinner  invitation  came 
on  one  occasion  so  promptly  that  our  own  messenger, 
who  also  returned  to  us  quickly,  had  not  reached  the 
house  when  the  acceptance  arrived.  And  the  fine 
point  on  this  piece  of  good  manners  was  that  this 
was  an  acceptance,  too,  not  a  regret,  which  is  con- 
sidered to"  demand  greater  expedition,  even,  in  the 
sending.  This  gentleman  entertained  his  friends  so 
constantly  at  dinner  that  he  understood  the  import- 
ance of  prompt  attention.  In  writing  an  answer  to  a 
formal  dinner  invitation  we  should  be  careful  to 
make  it  as  exact  as  the  note  we  have  received.  In- 
deed, we  should  repeat  this  note.     If  our  host  has  a 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  39 

title, — for  instance,  The  President, — repeat  his  title 
just  as  he  himself  may  indicate  to  you.  In  answer 
to  Mr.  Jones,  you  reply : 


MR.  SMITH 

HAS 

THE   HONOR   TO 

MR.  JONES' 

ACCEPT 

KIND 

INVITATION   TO 

DINNER 

For 

Monday,  the  1st  December,  at  7  o'clock. 

Nov. 

22,  75. 

The  reason  for  this  repetition  is  to  show  that  you 
have  perfectly  comprehended  the  invitation,  so  that 
no  error  may  have  been  committed  as  to  time  or  place. 

We  have  known  awkward  mistakes  to  occur  from 
want  of  attention  in  this  matter. 

Tlien,  again,  there  should  be  no  possibility  of  mis- 
take as  to  your  acceptance  or  non-acceptance.  Let 
your  answer  be  positively  "Yes/^  or  "  No.^'  At 
any  other  entertainment  we  may  perhaps  avail  our- 
selves of  a  reasonable  uncertainty,  but  not  so  with 
the  dinner. 

We  once  knew  a  poor  little  lady,  "  on  hospitable 
thoughts  intent,"  who  went  to  live  in  a  small  town 
in  the  West.  She  had  been  accustomed  to  the  well- 
regulated  dinner  at  home,  and  had  been  taught  to 


40  ETiqUETTE  OF 

consider  that  the  highest  form  of  compliment  was 
to  ask  a  friend  to  dinner.  Wishing  to  be  on  the 
best  terms  with  her  new  neighbors,  she  sent  out  the 
usual  written  cards  of  invitation  to  a  score  of  guests, 
— a  formidable  undertaking  in  a  country  village, — 
but  she  was  in  no  wise  daunted,  and  all  the  prepa- 
rations went  on  bravely.  Everything  bade  fair  to 
make  her  dinner  a  success,  except  the  dreadful  fact 
that  up  to  the  very  last  moment  she  remained  uncer- 
tain as  to  the  number  of  her  guests.  In  reply  to  her 
written  invitations  came  a  score  of  verbal  messages, 
such  as,  "  They  hoped  to  come ;"  ""  Would  come  if 
they  could  ;"  ^'  Could  not  tell  exactly  if  their  engage- 
ments would  permit;"  "If  well  enough,  w^ould 
come."  But  in  no  one  case  was  a  positive  response 
received.  So  the  banquet  had  to  be  prepared  on  this 
score.  The  hour  came  and  passed,  and,  after  a  fam- 
ishing delay  which  spoiled  everything,  two  tardy 
guests  dropped  straggling  in,  and  four  rueful  people 
sat  down  to  a  superb  dinner  prepared  for  twenty 
covers.     This  actually  took  place. 

This  grand  collapse  is  just  what  may  be  expected 
where  no  one  knows  his  own  intentions,  and  society 
would  receive  its  final  doom  did  such  conditions 
widely  exist.  Yet  very  disagreeable  complications 
have  arisen,  even  in  Washington,  from  not  paying 
due  attention  to  the  importance  of  a  definite  answer. 
Suppose,  for  example,  there  are  fomieen  covers  at 
your  dinner ;  and  fourteen  forms  a  pleasant  and  favor- 


SOCIAL   LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  41 

ite  number,  suiting  very  well  the  size  of  the  home 
dining-room  ordinarily.  Let  fourteen  be  all  counted, 
and  suppose  one  guest  disappoints !  He  leaves 
thirteen  miserable  souls  to  tell  ghost-stories  and 
wonder  if  the  dinner  will  poison  them,  which  very 
likely  it  may  do,  since  they  were  all  so  *^  blue"  in  the 
discussing  of  it.  It  must  be  remembered  that  the 
guests  at  a  dinner-table  must  be  properly  placed  in 
advance,  each  plate  marked  with  the  name  of  the 
expected  guest  written  on  a  card,  or  on  the  menu, 
or  bill  of  fare,  and  the  dinner  chart  mapped  out,  as 
if  by  line  and  compass,  so  as  to  avoid  all  these 
sunken  rocks  and  breakers  we  have  been  considerincr, 
so  as  to  place  people  who  will  like  each  other  in 
proximity,  so  as  to  give  ^'  honor  where  honor  is  due," 
so  as  to  keep  husband  and  wife  from  treading  on  each 
other's  toes,  so  as  to  please  those  you  entertain  by 
giving  widows  and  marriageable  young  ladies  de- 
sirable '^ partis^^  to  captivate,  so  as  to  put  the  decan- 
ter of  old  Madeira  near  the  bon-vivant,  so  as  to  leave 
the  ends  of  your  table  open  and  unoccupied  and  the 
central  places  filled  with  your  most  distinguished 
guests.  Now,  how  is  all  this,  and  more  too,  to  be 
done — pleasure  to  reign,  confusion  to  be  avoided, 
exact  distribution  of  this  cornucopia  of  blessings  to 
be  showered  on  your  blissful  guests — unless  there 
is  certainty  f  Is  not  life  miserable  because  of  the 
uncertainty  of  all  its  enjoyments,  and  are  we  thus 
ever  to  be  cheated  of  even  momentary  happiness? 


42  ETIQUETTE   OF 


A  thousand  times,  say  yes  or  no,  and  let  the 
pleasure  of  this  supreme  social  gratification  be  un- 
impaired ! 

The  length  of  time  preceding  the  dinner  invitation 
marks  the  degree  of  formality  which  it  is  expected 
will  characterize  the  arrangements.  A  card  of  invi- 
tation sent  ten  days  in  advance  informs  us  of  a  state 
dinner.  Eight  days  of  notification  is  the  ustial  time; 
after  that  even  four  or  five  days  may  be  allowed,  as 
simply  inviting  to  a  social  dinner,  or  even  two 
or  three  days  if  "en  petit  comitej'  We  once  had 
the  honor  to  be  "  one  of  seven"  at  such  a  dinner,* 
where  Seward,  Stanton,  and  a  foreign  celebrity  were 
entertained  by  a  diplomat,  the  short  stay  in  the  city 
of  the  guest  of  the  occasion,  whom  we  were  invited 
to  meet,  being  the  reason  mentioned  for  the  hurried 
summons.  But  the  informal  dinner  is  rather  the 
privilege  of  private  life,  and  we  are  now  considering 
the  official  etiquette  of  Washington,  where  state 
functionaries  are  expected  to  invite  eight  days  in 
advance.  To  allow  so  much  time  is  certainly  the 
highest  compliment,  since  it  more  surely  secures 
the  original  number  selected.  The  time  designated 
having  arrived,  punctuality  is  imperative.  Dinner 
rules  do  not  allow  over  fifteen,  or  at  the  most  twenty, 
minutes  of  delay,  in  order  to  await  the  arrival  of  any 
guest,  no  matter  how  exalted  his  functions  in  the 
State  may  be.  Courtesy  to  those  present  requires 
that  you  give  the  company  assembled  their  dinner 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  43 

before  it  spoils  or  grows  cold.  So  pray  arrive,  if 
yon  can,  at  the  precise  moment  at  which  you  are 
invited.  If  you  reach  the  house  the  first  guest  at  a 
dinner,  in  place  of  waiting  until  some  one  else  shall 
appear,  rather  pride  yourself  upon  your  superior 
good  breeding  for  the  nonce,  and  enter  at  once.  La- 
dies attend  formal  dinners  "  en  grande  toilette/'  or 
"full  dress,"  and  gentlemen  in  the  corresponding 
and  conventional  dress  suit  of  black,  with  white 
'^choker," — only,  messieurs,  do  not  wear  white  gloves; 
take  lavender  or  any  delicate  tint  in  preference.  At 
times  officers  of  the  army  or  navy  prefer  to  show 
their  respect  by  appearing  in  uniform  ;  and  we  love 
this  dress  so  well — it  appeals  so  gratefully  to  our 
patriotism — that  we  are  always  glad  to  see  it.  Yet 
senior  officers  especially,  having  been  *^in  harness," 
as  these  old  "war-horses"  call  it,  all  their  lives,  are 
not  sorry  to  get  rid  of  the  constraint  and  wear  the 
dress  suit  of  black  also.  However,  if  the  occasion  is 
one  of  state,  this  will  scarcely  be  permitted.  Gloves 
must  be  worn  upon  entrance  to  the  drawing-room, 
but  must  always  be  taken  off  at  the  moment  one  is 
seated  at  the  table.  A  recent  innovation,  which,  if 
the  fashionable  world  could  suspect  was  an  economy, 
would  probably  be  at  once  scouted,  but  which  we 
like  anyway,  permits  that  the  gloves  shall  not  be 
replaced  at  all  after  their  removal  at  the  table. 
This,  however,  may  be  only  one  of  those  flitting 
fashions,  worn  like  the  glove  for  the  moment,  and 


44  ETIQUETTE   OF 


then  cast  aside.  Yet  do  not  forget  that  during  the 
serving  of  a  dinner  the  waiters  in  attendance  alone 
wear  gloves !  And  even  the  waiter  serves  with 
greater  elegance  w^ith  the  thumb  of  the  hand 
wrapped  in  a  damask  napkin.  Previous  to  the  an- 
nouncement that  "  dinner  is  served,"  the  host  in- 
forms each  gentleman  which  lady  he  is  expected  to 
lead  in  to  dinner,  and  introduces  them  to  each  other 
in  case  they  happen  not  to  be  acquainted.  Indeed,  we 
think  at  a  dinner  of  moderate  size  the  convives  should 
all  know  each  other,  and  should  be  introduced,  if 
need  be,  by  the  host.  Dinner  announced,  the  host 
offers  his  left  arm  to  the  lady  who  has  the  highest 
official  position  present,  and  the  hostess  leaves  the 
drawing-room  last,  led  in  by  the  gentleman  of  the 
first  official  distinction  present.  On  leaving  the 
table,  this  order  is  reversed,  the  hostess  leading  the 
way.  We  once  knew  of  a  lawless  old  diplomat  who 
would  lead  in  with  the  prettiest  young  girl  of  the 
company  at  his  own  splendid  dinners ;  but  his  de- 
moralizing course  met  that  grave  reprobation  it  de- 
served from  all  virtuous  matrons !  As  a  just  pun- 
ishment for  such  discreditable  conduct,  he  fell  a 
victim  finally  to  an  innocent  and  confiding  young 
creature  of  seventeen,  left  the  country,  and  took  his 
American  bride  to  his  foreign  home,  where  he  lives 
doubtless  a  reformed  man,  if  indeed  he  still  survive! 
Thus  our  polite  host  and  hostess  take  the  central 
seats  opposite  to  each  other,  being  supported  on  either 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  45 


side  by  their  most  distinguished  guests.  The  reason 
the  extreme  ends  of  a  table  should  be  left  open,  no 
seats  placed  there  if  possible,  and  at  all  events  never 
occupied  by  the  entertainers,  is  very  obvious;  since 
from  a  central  position  one  can  better  care  for  one's 
guests,  and  promote  conversation  and  a  genial  and 
measured  degree  of  hilarity ;  while  on  the  other 
hand,  if  guests  are  given  the  extreme  ends,  it  may 
seem  to  place  them  "below  the  salt."  Courtesy  to 
the  hostess  requires  that  the  guests,  upon  being  as- 
signed to  their  places,  should  remain  standing  until 
she  is  seated.  Then  the  ladies  are  seated  next; 
afterwards  their  escorts  place  themselves.  As  to  the 
suitiible  service  of  a  table,  Washington  has  many 
good  caterers  and  intelligent  waiters,  whose  attend- 
ance can  readily  be  procured,  in  case  the  home  estab- 
lishment needs  to  be  reinforced — as  indeed  it  gen- 
erally does — in  order  to  meet^he  requirements  of  a 
banquet.  So  the  chief  care  of  the  host  and  hostess 
should  be  to  forget  that  the  dinner  is  being  served, 
and  try  to  interest  their  guests.  As  to  the  menu,  or 
bill  of  fare,  which  it  is  better  to  put  at  each  plate,  for 
the  information  of  the  epicurean  appetite,  we  would 
suggest  not  to  yield  implicitly  to  the  caterer,  who 
will  be  sure  to  prolong  your  dinner  beyond  the 
bounds  of  good  taste.  Especially  should  this  be  the 
case  where  a  sudden  acquisition  of  fortune  gives 
hospitable  people  the  means  of  entertaining.  Such 
persons,  quite  unaccustomed  to  judge  for  themselves 


46  ETIQUETTE   OF 


of  what  is  really  proper,  are  readily  imposed  upon 
by  those  whose  interest  it  is  to  provide  lavish  feasts. 
A  banquet  must  be  sumptuous  rather  in  the  careful 
choice  and  quality  than  in  the  profuse  quantity  of 
the  selected  dishes.  If  you  desire  to  spend  money 
without  stint  when  giving  dinners,  do  so  rather  by 
the  artistic  elaboration  of  that  which  you  present 
than  by  an  endless  repetition  of  courses  which  pall 
upon  the  taste.  Do  not  be  persuaded  to  exceed  ten 
courses — it  is  wearisome;  let  the  wines  be  delicate, 
and  do  not  mix  wines  in  which  tastes  conflict.  The 
French  custom  (and  the  French  are  unrivalled  in  all 
matters  of  taste)  of  only  presenting  each  wine  once 
is  excellent;  it  effectually  prevents  all  inebriating 
excess,  which  is  so  utterly  disgraceful  if  it  happen  to 
occur. 

A  very  great  reform,  however,  has  taken  place  in 
the  j)ast  few  years  Avith  regard  to  the  use  of  wines. 
Doubtless  the  agitation  kept  up  by  temperance  soci- 
eties has  had  something  to  do  with  this;  but  much 
also  has  been  effected  by  the  happy  introduction  of 
light  native  wines  among  us  at  moderate  prices. 
When  the  vin-du-pays  becomes  as  cheap  here  as  it  is 
in  France  or  Italy,  we  shall  have  effectually  swept 
away  the  intoxicating  poisons  which  as  yet  are  de- 
manded. We  recollect  hearing  our  father,  the  Hon. 
S.  F.  Vinton,  say  that  when  he  came  here  in  1823, 
the  then  youngest  member  of  the  House,  and  a  bach- 
elor, he  absolutely  dreaded  a  dinner,  on  account  of 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  47 

the  social  tyranny  in  the  matter  of  drinking.  Old 
English  customs  then  prevailed  at  the  dinner,  and 
the  calibre  of  a  man's  brain  was  measured  at  dinner 
by  the  capacity  of  his  stomach  to  guzzle  bumpers. 
For  a  man  of  exceedingly  delicate  nerve  organiza- 
tion, such  as  Mr.  Vinton  had,  who  considered  a  clear 
head  as  absolutely  needful  for  a  wise  legislator,  this 
custom  was  torture.  Let  us  rejoice  that  this  enforced 
dissipation  has  given  way  to  more  Christian  ideas. 
If  we  could  only,  when  we  exercise  hospitality,  learn 
to  set  aside  such  lavish  luxury  as  sinful,  and  share 
with  the  poor  of  the  Lord  by  dividing  this  excess 
somewhat  with  them,  we  would  in  this  way,  if  only 
in  an  imperfect  degree,  obey  the  injunction  to  call  in 
from  the  highways  and  the  by-ways  the  suffering 
multitude.  As  we  write  of  costly  banquets  our 
pen  falters,  and  tearful  visions  of  pale  faces  and  of 
starving  children  rise  before  us.  As  a  Christian 
woman,  and  as  we  hope  for  mercy  hereafter  for 
ourselves,  we  can  but  implore  society  to  let  the 
crumbs  that  fall  from  its  table  console  the  Lazarus 
at  its  door.  Winter  is  always  a  time  of  unusual 
hardship  for  these  little  children  of  our  common 
Father,  and  we  wish  some  united  action  could  be 
had  to  avoid  waste.  But  we  turn  our  saddened  eyes 
from  the  cold  and  chill  and  hungry  gaze  without,  to 
the  light  and  warmth  and  glow  within,  and  we  again 
ask  our  pleasant  hostess  not  to  be  afraid  of  exercising 
her  own  individual  taste  in  the  matter  of  adornment 


48  ETIQUETTE   OF 


of  her  table.  An  original  thought,  if  it  is  graceful, 
pleases  the  old  diner-out,  who  wearies  of  the  monot- 
ony of  conventional  elegance.  It  is  too  tiresome  to 
see  the  same  hired  ornaments  day  after  day,  and  to 
go  through  the  same  unvarying  routine.  Rather 
use  a  simple  vase  of  flowers  than  a  piece  of  finery 
hired  for  the  occasion.  Personal  care  bestowed  is 
more  flattering  than  the  hired  glitter.  We  once  said 
to  our  hostess,  "  You  have  produced  a  fine  effect," 
when  we  were  shocked  by  the  disclaimer,  "  And  yet 
we  took  no  pains."  Now,  it  was  for  this  very  "  pains," 
for  the  thoughtful  care  to  please,  we  were  thanking 
her. 

Our  dinner  talk  is  over,  the  hostess  rises  first,  and 
all  proceed  to  the  drawing-room,  where  coffee,  the 
demie-tasse,  cordials,  and,  an  hour  later,  tea  are  served. 
The  hostess  usually  serves  the  tea  herself,  but  this  is 
not  de  rigueur;  and  although  we  love  to  see  a  hostess 
exercise  '^les  petlts  soins,'' — those  little  acts  of  hos- 
pitable care, — yet  we  confess  to  being  most  bent  upon 
conversation,  and  to  our  dislike  of  anything  that  in- 
terrupts the  '^  feast  of  reason  and  the  flow  of  soul." 
The  after-dinner  hour  is  precious  in  its  genial  exer- 
cise of  intellect  or  for  music.  At  such  times  a  gracious 
play  of  fancy  is  stimulated,  and  even  the  cup  of  tea 
should  be  used  "  to  cheer,"  and  not  to  interfere.  Yet 
many  a  gentle  dame  presides  so  gracefully  at  the  tea- 
board,  and  dispenses  the  grateful  beverage  with  such 
pleasant  words,  that  none  may  cavil.     We  have  in 


SOCIAL   LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  49 

our  eye  now  one  of  our  most  honored  matrons,  her 
placid  face  almost  hidden  by  the  burnished  silver, 
the  hissing  tea-urn,  the  snowy  bowl  of  sugar,  and  as 
she  handles  the  quaint  old  china  we  hear  her  say, 
"  For  twenty-five  years  have  I  made  tea,  seated  just 
here,  at  this  board,^' — -just  twenty-five  years!  And 
"Aere,''  then,  the  raonarchs  of  thought,  who  have 
toiled  to  bring  about  the  culmination  of  our  nation's 
grandeur,  have  sipped  their  Bohea.  The  "  old  fam- 
ilies" of  Washington  have  an  interest  for  us  which 
none  other  in  the  land  may  claim,  for  their  social  life 
has  gone  hand  in  hand  with  that  of  the  nation.  But 
we  have  not  yet  bade  our  hostess  adieu, — a  formality 
we  may  dispense  with  at  a  soirie,  but  not  at  a  dinner. 

The  gentlemen,  some  of  them,  are  still  in  the 
smoking-room.  We  feel  sorry  that  they  smoke  so 
long,  for  charming  women  are  here,  and  it  is  the 
common  loss.  Perhaps,  like  social  cowards,  they 
retreat  from  an  apprehended  captivity. 

We  are  at  liberty  to  leave  after  the  coffee,  but  we 
linger  still  and  sip  our  tea.  However,  during  what 
is  called  the  season,  social  festivities  become  so  mul- 
tiplied that  one  may  have  several  engagements  to 
meet  later  than  the  dinner.  It  is  therefore  admis- 
sible to  leave  as  soon  as  the  coffee  is  handed.  Suc- 
ceeding the  dinner  a  visit,  which  the  French  wittily 
call  visite  de  digestion^  must  be  made  within  the  week. 
While  descanting  on  dinner-table  topics  and  of  enter- 
tainments in  general,  we  would  strive  anew  to  call 

4 


50  ETIQUETTE  OF 


attention  to  some  finer  points  too  often  misunderstood. 
In  the  first  place,  let  it  be  held  as  a  cardinal  prin- 
ciple thai  a  mere  outlay  of  money,  unless  directed  by 
refinement  of  taste,  can  never  attain  successful  results. 
The  dinners  that  marked  the  era  of  the  Caesars,  the 
banquets,  for  instance,  of  JSTero  and  of  Caligula,  liave 
scarcely,  if  ever,  been  equalled  through  the  succeed- 
ing ages  in  lavish  expenditure.  The  gastronomic 
excesses  of  pagan  days,  when  thousands  of  dollars 
were  spent  upon  a  single  dish,  were  followed  by  the 
sumptuous  feasts  of  the  Middle  Ages,  during  which 
the  perfumed  air,  delicious  strains  of  music,  and  an 
infinitude  of  fanciful  conceits  were  intended  to  cap- 
tivate and  enthrall  the  senses. 

The  barbaric  glitter  of  these  entertainments  has 
been  in  turn  succeeded  by  a  higher  civilization, 
which  calls  for  something  more  than  gastronomic 
chefs-d^oeuvre,  and  aims  to  promote  festive  wit.  To 
secure  this  end  the  first  consideration  must  be  a  care- 
ful choice  of  guests.  No  dinner,  however  superb  in 
prandial  show,  can  be  agreeable  if  the  convives  are 
dullards.  If  perfection  is  sought  for,  let  the  guests 
and  the  courses  not  exceed  the  Muses  in  number. 
No  sordid  computation  of  dollars  can  buy  or  meas- 
ure the  Promethean  light  of  conversational  effect. 
The  "glad  circle,"  then,  must  have  this  highest 
requisite.  When  music  is  introduced  as  an  acces- 
sory, it  should  not  be  bruyante,  but  must  be  placed  at 
such  distance  as  to  form,  as  it  were,  an  undertone  to 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  51 

the  dinner-table  talk,  mingling  with,  harmonizing, 
but  never  overpowering,  its  effect.  This  is  the  true 
musical  province  of  an  accom^paniment. 

Avoid  the  growing  taste  for  dining  your  friends 
at  a  club-house  or  outside  of  your  own  house.  There 
is  no  savor  of  hospitality  of  so  fine  flavor  as  that  of 
bringing  your  friends  into  your  own  home.  Noth- 
ing can  replace  the  Lares  and  Penates.  Even  the 
heathen  understood  this.  Strive  to  individualize 
the  style  of  your  dinner,  so  as  to  give  the  zest  of 
"something  new''  to  its  elegance.  In  this  connec- 
tion the  artistic  hand-painted  menus  and  dinner-cards 
now  so  much  in  vogue  are  to  be  commended.  We 
would  also  like  to  see  more  originality  in  the  floral 
decorations  of  the  dinner-table.  This  ornamenta- 
tion is  often  more  elaborate  than  tasteful.  The 
poets  sing  to  us  of  the  ''  language  of  flowers."  Why 
not  speak  to  each  guest  in  this  style  of  graceful  com- 
pliment ?  If  the  china-merchants,  stationers,  or  other 
similar  dealers  would  furnish  alphabetical  f onus  in 
grooves^  to  be  filled  in  and  hidden  from  sight  by 
flowers,  we  could  thus  express  with  these  floral  let- 
ters ideas  which  would  produce  a  new  and  pleasing 
variety. 

Precedence  at  the  dinner-table  is  the  grand  subject 
of  social  wrangling  in  Washington,  and  the  need  of 
a  fixed  rule  is  here  so  painfully  apparent  that  those 
who  have  been  taught  to  be  careful  by  sad  experience, 
will  simply  avoid  asking  those  functionaries  to  meet 


52  ETiqUETTE   OF 


each  other  whose  claims  may  conflict.    Yet  the  Vice- 
President,  the  Chief  Justice,  the  Speaker,  the  General 
of  the  Army,  the  Admiral  of  the  Xavy,  Foreign  Min- 
isters, Cabinet  Ministers,  and  Senators,  they  and  their 
wives,  ought  to  be  able  to  meet  and  dine  in  peace 
together.     Let  a  social  congress  or  woman's  parlia- 
ment be  convened,  composed  of  these  ladies,  where, 
after  all  the  arguments  and  respective  claims  have 
been   duly   weighed,   some   positive   rules   may   be 
agreed  upon.     It  is  surprising  what  natural  aristo- 
crats women  are.     In  the  army  and  navy,  for  ex- 
ample, the  wives  of  officers  adhere  more  rigidly  to 
designated  and  relative  social  rank  than  the  officers 
do  themselves ;  nor  do  our  American  women  object 
to  bear  foreign  titles  of  distinction.     Indeed,  in  this 
they  reason  wisely ;  for  in  countries  where  class  dis- 
tinctions exist,  these  usually  imply  respectable  lineage. 
We  would  here  remark  that  Cabinet  officers  are 
addressed  as  *'Mr.  Secretary."     We  do  not  like  this, 
for  it  designates  the  lowest  rather  than  the  highest 
functions  which  these  officials  fill.     They  are  in  one 
sense  *' secretaries"  of  the  President,  appointed  by 
the  Executive  head  and  confirmed  by  the  United 
States  Senate ;  but  at  the  same  time  they  are  active, 
if  not  responsible,  heads  of  vast  departments  of  the 
Government,  with  a  power,  patronage,  and  influence 
which,  if  it  were  permanent,  would  exceed  that  of 
many  petty  potentates  of  other  countries.     Names 
become  things  in  history,  and  we  believe  if  "Mr. 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  53 


Secretary"  were  changed  to  "  Mr.  Minister,"  "  The 
Premier,"  and  so  on,  it  would  help  to  adjust  the 
matter  of  social  precedence. 

Senators  are  addressed  as  "  Mr.  Senator,"  and  this 
is  as  it  should  be.  Members  of  the  House  of  Rep- 
resentatives are  introduced  as  the  "  Honorable  Mr.," 
but  simply  addressed  in  conversation  as  "  Mr.,"  that 
is,  if  a  plain  Mister  can  be  found  in  that  popular 
body.  But  we  venture  to  say,  from  an  intimate 
knowledge  of  our  rural  districts,  that  every  man  of 
them  bears  a  title  at  home.  He  is  "  Squire,"  "  Judge," 
"Captain,"  "Colonel,"  "General,"  and  so  through 
all  the  gamut  of  the  key-board  of  possible  or  im- 
possible prefixes !  The  republic  seems  to  avenge 
itself  for  having  made  the  permanency  of  families 
unattainable  by  piling  Pelion  upon  Ossa  during  a 
man's  natural  life!  And  now  come  women  who 
claim  to  be  Miss  Doctor  and  Mrs.  Reverend  on  their 
own  account ! 

With  regard  to  women's  titles,  it  is  becoming 
more  and  more  the  custom  to  say  "  Mrs.  Secretary," 
"Mrs.  Senator,"  *'Mrs.  General,"  "Mrs.  Admiral," 
and  so  on.  They  do  this  in  Europe,  to  be  sure,  so 
that  it  cannot  be  laughed  at  as  ridiculous.  Yet, 
since  we  are  a  republic,  we  are  supposed  to  stand  on 
the  basis  of  personal  merit  and  distinction  won  for 
ourselves.  But  perhaps,  when  a  woman  captures  a 
President  or  other  dignitary,  she  has  won  the  right 
to  claim  the  title  too.     Some  are  said  to  "  wear  the 


54  ETIQUETTE  OF 

breeches/'  "  rule  the  roast,"  be  the  "  better  half/'  and 
"captain  of  the  ship."  From  our  own  observation 
at  the  Capital  of  this  great  nation,  something  more 
of  substance  than  the  empty  title  is  wielded  by  the 
women  who  represent  the  country  here.  And  we 
should  be  very  sorry  to  see  our  fair  and  very  able 
sisters  disturbed  in  their  privileges  and  right  wo- 
manly prerogatives.  How  much  nicer,  for  example, 
to  be  the  wife  of  a  President  than  to  be  Mr.  Presi- 
dent! for,  as  it  is,  one  has  a  good  share  of  the 
power  and  none  of  the  responsibility.  But  of  course 
we  don't  mean  exactly  what  we  say :  women  often  do 
not.  We  think,  however,  that  while  it  may  be  in 
good  taste  to  give  a  lady  these  titular  distinctions, 
held  really  by  their  husbands,  yet  it  would  be  in  bad 
taste  to  use  them  for  one's  self.  Certainly  it  is  very 
convenient,  when  introducing  ladies,  to  give  such 
nominal  rank  as  may  at  once  clearly  and  distinctly 
designate  them  in  the  very  fact  of  introduction.  It 
would  often  save  a  long  explanation,  or  an  uncertainty 
still  more  disagreeable. 

Members  of  the  House  of  Representatives  and 
their  wives  are  expected  to  make  the  first  visit  upon 
all  classes  of  functionaries  we  have  mentioned ;  but 
citizens  of  Washington,  and  those  in  private  life,  owe 
them  in  turn  the  first  visit. 

There  is  a  form  of  government  in  this  city,  but 
we  really  can  have  no  idea  of  what  its  social  claims 
may  be ;  but  it  seems  to  us,  as  compared  to  the  Na- 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  55 

tional  Government,  it  must  stand  as  a  separate  crea- 
tion and  take  a  subordinate  position.  Perliaps  the 
Commissioner's  office  may  be  exceptional  to  this  rule. 

If  this  mode  of  government  continue  in  existence, 
those  who  write  on  this  theme  ten  years  hence  will  be 
able  to  judi^e  better.  Yet,  thus  far,  everything  con- 
nected with  the  management  of  this  District  has  been 
subject  to  so  various  change  that  we  can  only  ex- 
claim, Ounne  prlncipium  grave  ! 

The  citizens  of  Washington  form  among  them- 
selves, outside  of  the  consideration  of  official  life,  a 
body  of  society  to  be  regulated  by  the  same  rules 
which  dominate  other  societies;  yet,  as  we  have  said 
before,  Wasliington  life  is  essentially  official  life,  and 
we  can  scarcely  separate  the  two. 

When  you  attend  a  reception,  do  not  omit  to  leave 
your  card  with  the  usher  in  the  hall.  In  some  houses 
it  is  the  custom  always  to  give  your  name  to  the  usher, 
who  then  announces  you  cl  haute  voix.  Of  course,  in 
a  society  where  so  many  strangers  meet,  and  which  is 
so  cosmopolitan  in  its  nature,  it  may  often  be  essen- 
tial to  announce  in  this  way.  In  public  receptions 
it  is  entirely  so;  but  we  must  enter  a  protest  against 
the  awkward  usher  who  murders  your  name  out- 
right, cuts  you  into  halves,  and  shows  you  no  quar- 
ters. As  to  those  foreigners  who  have  a  quartering 
to  their  names,  they  must  be  fearful  sufferers  !  Let 
the  usher-  be  well  trained  to  announce,  or  dispense 
with  his  services  in  this  respect  altogether,  as  an  un- 


56  ETIQUETTE  OF 


mitigated  nuisance.  A  gentleman  of  distinction  once 
came  into  our  presence  with  a  sigh  of  relief  as  we 
greeted  him  by  the  well-known  cognomen. 

"How  good  it  is,"  said  he,  "to  hear  my  name 
once  more !  I  began  to  be  uncertain  as  to  my  own 
identity." 

We  laughed,  and  asked  what  he  meant.  "Well, 
simply  this:  I  have  been  attending  receptions  all  the 
morning,  and  have  heard  my  name  so  mangled  by 
the  ushers,  and  have  found  myself  repeated  under  so 
many  different  titles,  that  I  am  bewildered." 

Use  a  plain  card,  if  you  do  not  wish  to  be  sup- 
posed fanciful;  and  never  have  it  printed.  Great 
men,  whose  autographs  are  precious,  confer  a  favor 
certainly  by  writing  the  name  on  the  card,  but  it  is 
more  convenient  and  more  elegant  for  society  in  gen- 
eral to  have  the  name  engraved  on  the  card.  It  is 
also  very  comfortable  for  old  ladies  who  read  through 
glasses  if  these  letters  are  plain  and  legible. 

The  clergy  take  a  signal  position,  and  we  think 
should  always  be  accorded  the  place  of  honor  when 
present  in  society.  They  are  Envoys  of  a  Higher 
Power,  and  have  the  most  important  and  sacred  mis- 
sion of  all.  We  were  once  at  a  dinner  where  a  cler- 
gyman was  present,  and  there  were  Foreign  Minis- 
ters and  Cabinet  Ministers,  Senators,  and  others  of 
dignity,  when  the  venerable  Doyen  of  the  Corps  Di- 
plomatique asked  the  hostess  to  assign  the  place  at 
her  side,  for  which  he  had  been  designated,  to  the 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  57 

clergyman.  And  this  wise  old  gentleman,  who  un- 
derstood so  well  all  matters  of  social  courtesy,  decided 
on  true  principles  based  upon  that  Divine  law  which 
is  above  human  law  and  goes  beyond  it.  In  Eng- 
land, Archbishops  rank  with  Dukes.  A  similar,  or 
a  greater,  appreciation  for  the  cl.ergy  is  everywhere 
held  as  of  polite  usage. 

Very  aged  persons,  also,  should  be  treated  with 
peculiar  respect.  God  has  stamped  upon  them  the 
majesty  of  years,  and  we  must  give  them  a  deferen- 
tial place.  Not  long  since,  the  nation  beheld  a  touch- 
ing example  of  filial  respect  in  the  family  of  its  Chief 
Magistrate,  and  it  seems  to  us  that  it  was  a  provi- 
dential spectacle  at  a  time  w^hen  insubordination  to 
parents  is  a  growing  evil  throughout  the  land.  Many 
years  since,  a  friend  of  ours,  the  wife  of  a  public 
man,  was  led  in  to  dinner  by  the  then  President. 
The  aged  father  of  His  Excellency  being  present,  it 
was  made  a  question  if  the  President  should  precede 
his  own  father.  By  right  as  President,  yes ;  by 
filial  courtesy  as  son,  no.  A  similar  question  may 
now  also  arise  as  regards  the  venerable  mother  of  our 
present  President.  The  nation  is  fortunate  to  have 
repeated  the  beautiful  lesson  of  filial  affection  for  its 
example.  Exceptions  to  ordinary  claims  of  social 
or  even  official  precedence  may  also  be  allowed  by 
courtesy  to  strangers  of  distinction  who  make  us 
passing  visits,  to  remarkable  worth  and  merit,  such 
as  philanthropists  and  other  benefactors  of  mankind 


58  ETiqUETTE   OF 

exhibit,  or  to  extraordinary  and  acknowledged  scien- 
tific, artistic,  or  literary  excellence.  Deference  to 
these  conditions  illnstrates  the  existence  of  that  ad- 
vanced state  of  civilization  which  it  is  our  aim  to 
acquire. 

In  making  visits  always  send  in  or  leave  your 
card.  At  receptions  the  usher  takes  your  card.  At 
other  times  the  person  called  upon  not  being  at  home, 
you  turn  down  the  right-hand  upper  corner  of  the 
pasteboard  to  indicate  that  you  came  in  person  ;  and 
if  the  visit  is  intended  for  the  various  members  of  a 
family,  you  either  give  several  cards  or  leave  one 
with  the  entire  right  side  folded  over.  The  choice  is 
immaterial.  When  you  go  away  from  the  city  alto- 
gether, do  not  omit  to  send  a  card  upon  which  P.  P. 
C.  is  written  on  the  right-hand  lower  corner,  and  if 
this  visit  of  adieu  is  made  in  person  turn  down  the 
right-hand  lower  corner.  A  prompt  notice  should 
be  taken  of  the  first  visit  received,  and  when  such 
visit  inaugurates  an  acquaintance,  the  card  or  call 
should  be  at  once  honored.  An  intervening  period 
not  exceeding  three  days  marks  high  breeding,  as  it 
evinces  your  pleasure  at  forming  the  acquaintance,  so 
that  a  return  visit  within  a  day  or  so  is  therefore  a 
delicate  compliment.  Dignitaries  of  state  should 
make  instant  return  of  the  first  visit.  This  also 
is  navy  etiquette.  With  regard  to  entertainments 
other  than  the  dinner,  one  is  at  liberty  not  to  send 
a  written  answer  of  acceptance ;  but  in  case  of  non- 


SOCIAL  LIFE  IN   WASHINGTON.  59 

acceptance  it  is  certainly  more  polite  to  send  a  regret. 
Of  course,  if  an  answer  is  requested  (the  R.  S.  V.  P. 
means  the  same  thing)  an  answer  should  be  given 
accordingly.  When  one  has  a  small  house  it  is  im- 
portant to  know  what  number  of  guests  may  be  ex- 
pected, and  always  more  pleasant  for  a  hostess  to  be 
thus  assured.  In  making  calls  the  usual  visiting 
hours  are  from  two  until  five.  This  portion  of  the 
day  is  particularly  set  apart  for  formal  calls.  An 
evening  visit  implies  some  degree  of  social  acquaint- 
ance, and  should  never  be  made  as  a  first  call,  unless 
you  are  invited  to  come  unceremoniously.  A  call  of 
condolence  should  always  be  made  on  occasions  of 
death  in  the  family  of  an  acquaintance.  Turn  down 
the  left-hand  lower  corner  of  the  card. 

Persons  in  private  life,  having  no  official  position 
in  Washington,  are  in  a  measure  exempt  from  the 
necessity  of  making  the  official  round  of  visits  or  of 
giving  large  entertainments ;  yet  any  one  who  enters 
into  general  society  here  must  of  course  conform  to 
the  official  rules  of  precedence  and  etiquette.  Pri- 
vate life  here  has  its  advantages  as  well  as  its  disad- 
vantages. It  is  pleasant  to  select  your  own  company, 
even  though  choice  extend  to  but  a  limited  number ; 
and  the  private  citizen  is  free  to  do  this.  Washing- 
ton will  certainly  become  more  and  more  a  central 
social  point  of  attraction  to  persons  of  wealth  and  re- 
finement who  can  exercise  freedom  of  selection,  and 
who  will  also  add  to  the  already  charming  variety 


60  ETIQUETTE   OF 


of  society.  Such  persons  must  surely  appreciate  our 
social  advantages  over  all  other  cities  of  the  Union. 

Young  people  amongst  us  have  never  as  a  common 
rule  been  allowed  to  tyrannize  over  society  as  they 
do  in  New  York  and  in  other  cities;  and  the  inef- 
fable vulgarity  of  coteries  presided  over  by  young 
ladies,  and  not  dignified  by  the  presence  of  their 
seniors,  has  not,  we  believe,  had  much  if  any  encour- 
agement here.  Probably  the  presence  of  so  many 
personages  of  importance  in  the  State  assists  to  keep 
the  young  in  their  proper  place.  One  may  here  see, 
what  we  fear  is  not  so  usual  elsewhere,  young  ladies 
remain  standing,  as  they  should  do,  until  the  mother 
or  married  lady  may  be  seated,  and  at  all  events  an 
appearance  of  subordination  which  speaks  well  for 
the  future.  Our  young  people  are  not  often  invited 
to  dinners,  but  left  to  participate  in  the  simpler  forms 
of  gayety.  We  have  heard  it  said  that  a  woman  did 
not  enjoy  a  dinner-conversation,  or  play  a  good  hand 
at  whist,  under  thirty  ! 

On  New- Year's  day  ladies  are  not  expected  to 
make  visits.  Gentlemen  call  to  pay  the  compliments 
of  the  season,  and  ladies  stay  at  home  to  welcome 
visitors. 

We  think  our  ladies  make  a  mistake,  and  also 
fatigue  themselves  unnecessarily,  by  receiving  stand- 
ing. This  is  a  great  tax  on  the  strength,  and  much 
more  formal  than  is  apt  to  be  agreeable.  In  very 
large  receptions  a  lady  who  receives  can  scarcely  be 


SOCIAL   LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON.  Ql 

seated;  but  in  the  usual  morning  at  home  would 
not  our  guests  remain  longer,  and  be  more  at  ease,  if 
seated  in  pleasant  circles,  rather  than  left  standing  in 
formal  groups  in  the  middle  of  the  room  ?  Magnet- 
ism counts  for  something  the  world  over,  and  stiif 
constraint  destroys  electric  currents. 

As  to  the  refreshments  proper  to  provide  at  a 
morning  reception,  the  choice  is  quite  optional  here, 
as  in  other  of  our  cities.  A  cup  of  chocolate  is,  how- 
ever, usually  offered,  and  many  still  preserve  the  old 
custom,  and  add  other  refreshing  drinks  and  many 
tempting  comfits. 

The  idea  of  writing  this  little  pamphlet  was  first 
suggested  to  us  by  a  distinguished  personage  here, 
who  thought  something  of  the  kind  would  be  well 
received  and  ought  to  be  published.  The  very  lim- 
ited scope  we  have  given  ourselves  shows  for  itself 
in  the  size  of  this  little  essay;  for  we  have  not  pro- 
posed to  attempt  the  history  of  social  customs  since 
pre-Adamitic  periods,  nor  yet  to  instruct  in  all  the 
rules  of  a  manual  of  good  manners,  nor  to  give  the 
rounded  polish  of  a  Chesterfield,  but  simply  to  in- 
dicate certain  peculiarities  of  Washington  society. 

We  have  heard  some  of  the  subjects  we  have  just 
hinted  at,  commented  upon  from  our  first  acquaint- 
ance with  official  social  life  here ;  and  although  we 
have  alluded  to  many  little  matters  which  must  seem 
rather  puerile  and  perhaps  unworthy  of  serious  at- 


62  SOCIAL   LIFE  IN    WASHINGTON. 


tention,  yet  these  are  the  very  questions  one  asks 
most  often  upon  first  arrival  in  Washington.  We 
do  not  endeavor  or  presume  to  instruct,  but  rather 
desire  to  recapitulate  mooted  points,  show  how  trou- 
blesome their  unsettled  condition  makes  them,  and 
ask  for  a  woman's  congress,  or  ''  kitchen  cabinet,"  to 
define  them  in  the  interest  of  society. 

So  far  as  we  have  noted  some  customs,  we  have 
preferred  to  leave  as  many  more  unnoted,  on  the  sup- 
position that  our  reader  forms  a  "court  that  knows 
something." 


APPENDIX. 


As  far  back  as  1825  the  President  held  a  levee 
every  other  Wednesday  evening,  and  it  was  custom- 
ary to  make  the  announcement  in  the  National  In- 
telligencer, The  hour  was  at  that  time  from  8  to  10 
P.M.,  and  it  was  usual  to  oiFer  some  refreshments, 
which  were  placed  on  trays,  and  carried  about  the 
rooms  by  waiters.  Gentlemen  then  appeared  in 
small-clothes,  which  was  the  accepted  full  dress  of 
the  period ;  and  we  remember  hearing  our  father  say 
that  so  great  was  the  precision  that,  although  some 
gentlemen  occasionally  wore  boots,  it  w^as  considered 
more  proper  to  go  in  silk  stockings  and  pumps.  Of 
course  the  usual  dress  suit  of  black  has  long  since 
taken  tlie  place  of  this  more  courtly,  though  less 
convenient,  style  of  dress.  It  was  not  at  first  the 
custom  to  have  music,  except  on  New- Year's  day, 
when  a  government  band  discoursed  patriotic  airs ; 
but  in  the  time  of  Mr.  Adams,  and  after  the  East 
Room  was  opened,  in  1828,  music  and  dancing  en- 
livened these  receptions,  and  splendid  suppers  were 
given.    So  long  as  such  degree  of  exact  form  marked 

63 


64  APPENDIX. 


these  receptions  as  to  assure  only  the  presence  of 
well-bred  people  of  decorous  manners,  this  style  of 
entertainment  prevailed;  but  finally  such  excesses 
took  place  in  the  greater  latitude  that  was  afterwards 
allowed  as  to  make  it  unadvisable  either  to  have 
dancing  or  to  give  suppers,  except  at  invited  enter- 
tainments; but  of  these  we  remember  some  very 
memorable  and  elegant  receptions  that  have  been 
given,  on  special  occasions,  at  the  Executive  Man- 
sion. 

We  desire  to  append  the  following  letter  from 
John  Quincy  Adams,  written  when  Secretary  of 
State,  and  addressed  as  a  private  communication  to 
the  Vice-President  of  the  United  States.  It  strikes 
us  that  the  eminent  writer  is  somewhat  illogical  when 
he  speaks  of  the  ^'  whole  affair'^  as  "  of  very  little 
importance,''  while  at  the  same  moment  he  shows  by 
the  very  subject-matter  of  his  letter  the  "  impor- 
tance'' then,  as  now,  of  adopting  some  more  fixed  and 
exact  code.  Until  this  is  done,  it  will  become  more 
and  more  difficult  to  avoid  misconstructions  and  un- 
pleasant relations  in  a  state  of  society  where  the 
social  intercourse  cannot  be  separated  from  official 
position  and  its  exigencies.  Even  the  public  service 
requires  this. 

Washington,  Dec.  29,  1819. 
The  Vice-President  of  the  United  States  : 

Dear  Sir, — It  has  been  suggested  to  me,  that  some  of 
the  members  of  the  Senate,  entertaining  the  opinion  that 


APPENDIX.  (55 


a  formal  visit  in  person  or  by  card  is  due  from  each  of  the 
executive  departments,  at  the  commencement  of  every  ses- 
sion of  Congress,  to  every  Senator  upon  his  arrival  at  the 
seat  of  government,  have  considered  the  omission  on  my 
part  to  pay  such  visits  as  the  withholding  from  them  of  a 
proper  mark  of  respect,  or  even  as  implying  a  pretension 
to  exact  such  a  formality  from  them.  Disclaiming  every 
such  pretension  and  every  such  claim  on  my  part,  I  take 
the  liberty  of  submitting  to  you  the  following  explanation 
of  the  motives  which  have  governed  my  conduct  in  relation 
to  this  subject. 

I  have  invariably  considered  the  Government  of  the 
United  States  as  a  Government  for  the  transaction  of  busi- 
ness, and  that  no  ceremonial  for  the  mode  or  order  of  in- 
terchanging visits  between  the  persons  belonging  to  the 
respective  departments  in  it  had  ever  been  established.  I 
was  myself  five  years  a  member  of  the  Senate,  and  at  four 
of  the  five  sessions  of  Congress  which  I  attended  was  ac- 
companied at  this  place  by  my  wife.  During  that  time  I 
never  once  received  a  first  visit  from  any  one  of  the  heads 
of  departments,  nor  did  my  wife  ever  receive  a  first  visit 
from  any  one  of  their  ladies,  except  perhaps  once,  when 
she  was  sick,  from  Mrs.  Madison.  We  always  called  upon 
them  soon  after  our  arrival  at  Washington,  not  from  any 
opinion  that  it  was  an  obligation  of  duty,  but  because  we 
understood  and  believed  it  to  be  usual,  and  because  we  did 
not  think  it  improper.  We  made  an  exception,  after  the 
first  session,  with  regard  to  Mr.  Gallatin,  who,  never  having 
returned  my  first  visit,  was  supposed  not  to  incline  to  that 
sort  of  intercourse  with  us. 

When  I  came  to  reside  at  this  place,  two  years  since,  I 
was  under  the  impression  that  the  usages,  with  regard  to 
visiting,  were  as  I  had  known  and  practised  them  ten  years 
before, — that,  as  a  member  of  the  administration,  I  had  no 
sort  of  claim  to  a  first  visit  from  any  member  of  either 


66  APPENDIX. 

house  of  Congress,  but  that  neither  had  any  member  of 
Congress  any  claim  to  a  first  visit  from  me,  that  the  in- 
terchange and  order  of  visits  was  entirely  optional  on  both 
sides,  and  that  no  rule  of  etiquette  whatsoever  existed 
which  required  that  either  party  should  pay  the  first  visit, 
or  indeed  any  visit,  to  the  other. 

In  the  course  of  the  winter  of  1817-18,  two  members  of 
the  Senate,  for  both  of  whom  I  entertained  the  highest 
respect,  and  with  one  of  whom  I  had  had  the  pleasure  of 
sitting  several  years  in  the  Senate,  called  at  my  oflice,  and 
informed  me  that  there  was  a  minute  of  a  rule  agreed  upon, 
not  officially  but  privately,  by  the  members  of  the  Senate 
of  the  first  Congress,  that  the  Senators  of  the  United  States 
paid  the  first  visit  to  no  person  except  the  President  of  the 
United  States.  I  observed  to  them  that,  as  during  five 
years'  service  as  a  Senator  I  had  never  seen  or  heard  of 
this  rule,  I  could  hardly  consider  it  as  having  been  much 
observed ;  that  I  could,  however,  have  no  possible  objection 
to  the  Senators  prescribing  to  themselves  any  rule  of  visiting 
which  they  might  think  proper.  But  I  asked  them  if  they 
understood  the  rule  as  implying  an  order  that  other  persons 
should  first  visit  them  ?  They  answered,  if  I  recollect  right. 
By  no  means.  And  I  suppose  they  viewed  the  whole 
affair  as  I  did, — that  is,  of  very  little  importance.  I  have, 
therefore,  paid  no  visits  of  form  to  members  of  the  Senate; 
and,  although  always  happy  to  receive  and  return  the 
visits  of  those  who  please  to  call  upon  me,  and  happy  to 
invite  to  my  house  every  member  of  the  Senate,  whether 
he  had  or  had  not  paid  me  a  visit,  who  would  give  me  the 
honor  of  his  company,  I  yet  always  respected  the  motives 
of  those  who  declined  paying  me  any  visit,  or  even  fre- 
quenting my  house  at  all.  I  exacted  nothing  from  them 
which  they  might  think  incompatible  with  their  dignity. 
I  presumed  they  would  exact  nothing  from  me  not  within 
the  line  of  my  official  duty.     I  soon  learned  that,  if  I 


APPENDIX.  67 


should  make  it  a  rule  to  pay  the  first  visit  to  every  Senator 
at  each  session,  the  same  compliment  would  be  claimed,  if 
not  by  all,  at  least  by  a  large  proportion  of  the  members 
of  the  House  of  Representatives ;  and  I  could  find  no  re- 
publican principle  which  would,  to  my  own  mind,  justify 
me  in  refusing  to  the  members  of  one  house  that  which  I 
should  yield  as  due  to  the  members  of  another.  At  the  com- 
mencement of  each  session  I  have  visited  the  presiding 
member  of  each  house,  not  from  a  sense  of  obligation,  but 
of  propriety.  I  have  not  felt  it  my  duty  to  pay  first  visits 
to  any  individual  member  of  either  house ;  nor  has  it  en- 
tered my  imagination  that  a  first  visit  was  due  from  any 
member  of  either  house  to  me. 

If  there  is  a  body  of  men  upon  earth  for  whom,  more 
than  for  any  other,  I  ought  to  cherish  every  feeling  of  at- 
tachment, superadded  to  every  sentiment  of  reverence,  it 
is  the  Senate  of  the  United  States.  Its  importance  and 
dignity,  as  one  of  the  branches  of  the  legislature,  as  one  of 
the  component  parts  of  the  supreme  executive,  and  as  the 
tribunal  of  official  honor  and  virtue,  cannot  be  more  highly 
estimated  by  any  man  than  by  me.  My  father  had  the 
honor  of  being  its  first  presiding  officer.  I  had,  for  five 
years,  that  of  being  one  of  its  members ;  and  through  every 
successive  administration  of  this  Government,  from  the 
establishment  of  the  national  Constitution  to  this  time,  I 
have  received  frequent  tokens  of  its  confidence,  which  can 
never  be  obliterated  from  my  memory,  and  claiming  all 
my  gratitude.  For  every  individual  member  of  the  body 
I  feel  all  the  respect  due  to  his  public  character ;  and  there 
is  not  one  member  towards  whom  I  entertain  a  sentiment 
other  than  that  of  regard  and  esteem.  If,  therefore, 
the  principle  upon  which  I  have  omitted  to  pay  them  first 
visits  of  form  should  ultimately  fail  of  meeting  their  ap- 
probation, it  will  be  serious  cause  of  regret  to  me ;  but,  at 


(}S  APPENDIX. 


all  events,  I  hope  they  will  impute  it  to  any  other  cause 
than  intentional  disrespect  to  them. 

I  take  this  occasion  of  observing  that,  with  my  approba- 
tion and  advice,  my  wife  has  acted  upon  the  same  principle 
with  regard  to  the  ladies  connected  with  members  of  the 
Senate  or  House  of  Eepresentatives,  who  have  visited  this 
place  during  the  sessions  of  Congress,  that  I  have  pursued 
in  relation  to  the  members  themselves.  She  has  paid 
no  visits  to  ladies  with  whom  she  had  not  the  advantage  of 
being  acquainted.  She  has  received  with  pleasure  and 
returned  the  visits  of  all  ladies  who  have  called  upon  her, 
whether  connected  with  members  of  Congress  or  otherwise. 
She  has  visited  her  friends  on  the  usual  footing  of  private 
citizens,  without  pretension  to  claim,  and  without  being 
sensible  of  any  obligation  to  pay  any  first  visit.  She  would 
have  paid,  with  much  pleasure,  this  compliment  to  the 
ladies  of  members  of  Congress,  had  it  been  proper,  in  her 
opinion,  to  confine  it  to  them.  But  she  was  aware  that 
many  other  ladies  equally  strangers  to  her,  and,  though 
not  immediately  allied  to  members  of  Congress,  of  charac- 
ter and  standing  in  society  equally  respectable,  occasionally 
came  to  spend  some  time  in  the  city ;  and,  knowing  it  to 
be  impossible  that  she  should  visit  them  all,  she  declined 
the  invidious  task  of  discriminating  whom  she  should  and 
whom  she  should  not  first  visit.  If,  in  observing  this  rule, 
she  has  deviated  from  the  practice  of  some  other  ladies  in 
situations  similar  to  her  own,  she  has  conformed  to  that 
which  she  constantly  observed  when  she  was  herself  the 
wife  of  a  Senator  at  the  seat  of  government.  She  then 
always  called  upon  the  ladies  of  the  heads  of  departments 
when  she  came  to  Washington,  and  always  understood  it 
to  be  the  common  practice.  She  lays  no  claim,  however, 
to  the  same  attention  from  any  other  lady,  and,  having  no 
pretension  to  visits  of  etiquette  herself,  thinks  herself 
amenable  to  none  from  others.     She  has  invited  to  her 


APPENDIX.  69 


house,  without  waiting  for  formal  visits,  every  lady  of  a 
member  of  Congress  to  whom  she  had  not  reason  to  believe 
such  an  invitation  would  be  unwelcome ;  and,  while  feeling 
it  as  a  favor  from  those  who  have  accepted  her  invitations, 
she  has  only  regretted  the  more  rigorous  etiquette  of  those 
who  have  declined,  inasmuch  as  it  bereft  her  of  the  happi- 
ness which  she  would  have  derived  from  a  more  successful 
cultivation  of  their  acquaintance.  She  would  regret  still 
more  the  error  which  should,  in  any  instance,  attribute  her 
conduct  to  a  pretension  of  any  kind  on  her  part,  or  to  a 
disregard  of  what  is  due  from  her  to  others. 

I  have  thought  this  candid  explanation  of  the  motives 
of  my  conduct  particularly  due  to  those  members  of  the 
Senate  who,  it  has  been  intimated  to  me,  have  thought 
there  was  something  exceptionable  in  it.  I  submit  it  to 
your  indulgence  and  to  their  candor,  with  the  sincere  and 
earnest  assurance  of  my  perfect  respect  for  yourself  and 
them. 

John  Quincy  Adams. 


SOME  POmTS  OF  ETIQUETTE. 


Inasmuch  as  it  is  somewhat  of  a  mooted  point 
with  regard  to  the  social  official  precedence  to  which 
the  Speaker  may  be  entitled  as  the  presiding  officer 
of  the  House  of  Representatives,  especially  as  rela- 
tively to  the  Chief  Justice,  who  is  the  head  of  one  of 
the  three  great  Departments  of  the  Government,  it 
may  not  be  uninstructive  to  give  an  opinion  from  a 
source  of  such  recognized  high  authority  as  Mr.  Rob- 
ert C.  Winthrop,  of  Boston.  We  desire,  therefore, 
and  it  has  been  suggested  to  us  that  it  would  be  well, 
to  publish  some  extracts  from  a  letter  we  had  the 
pleasure  to  receive  from  Mr.  Winthrop,  in  which  he 
says,  "Your  *  Etiquette'  interested  me  not  a  little, 
and  recalled  some  experiences  of  my  own.  On  being 
elected  Speaker  in  1847,  I  consulted  John  Quincy 
Adams,  then  a  member  of  the  House,  and  the  con- 
sequence was  that  I  felt  bound  to  call  first  only  on 
the  President  and  Vice-President.  I  believe  I  made 
an  exception  in  favor  of  Chief- Justice  Taney,  but 
only  as  a  matter  of  grace.  There  cannot  be  a  doubt 
that  the  President,  Vice-President,  and  Speaker 
70 


APPENDIX.  71 


stand  before  all  others  as  the  representatives  of  the 
Executive  and  Legislative  branches.  I  remember 
how  earnestly  this  was  enforced  upon  us  by  Colonel 
Benton,  a  great  stickler  for  ^  etiquette/  and  who  said 
to  me  on  one  occasion,  ^  You  may  be  as  modest  as 
you  please  in  regard  to  any  matter  personal  to  your- 
self, but  you  have  no  right  to  waive  the  priority  of 
your  position  and  the  dignity  of  the  House  of  Kep- 
resentatives.'  Everybody  called  on  me  first  accord- 
ingly, except  the  President  and  Vice-President." 

In  addition  to  this  very  decided  opinion  of  MV. 
Winthrop,  we  are  informed  that  the  late  Chief-Jus- 
tice Chase  also  held  that  the  Speaker  should  receive 
the  first  visit,  taking  the  ground  that  the  Speaker, 
being  one  of  the  possible  contingent  successors  to  the 
Chief  Magistracy,  had  a  prior  claim  of  social  prece- 
dence over  the  Chief  Justice.  How  far  the  well- 
known  preference  and  proclivities  of  the  late  Chief 
Justice  for  political  rather  than  judicial  pre-eminence 
may  have  shaped  his  judgment  on  this  point  is  to  be 
considered. 

We  were  taught  to  view  the  office  of  Chief  Jus- 
tice as  the  second  place  in  the  republic ;  indeed,  our 
dear  father,  the  late  Hon.  S.  F.  Vinton,  than  whom 
the  country  has  never  had  a  wiser  statesman,  held  it 
to  be  the  first  in  true  dignity,  as  raised  far  above  the 
strife  and  passions  that  must  ever  mark  the  political 
career.  Now,  Mr.  Vinton,  having  been  a  member  of 
the  Lower  House  for  nearly  a  quarter  of  a  century, 


72  APPENDIX. 


during  which  he  shaped  some  of  its  most  important 
legislation,  must  have  been  fully  aware  of  all  the 
possible  claims  attached  to  the  position  of  Speaker. 
We  know  that  he  held  this  opinion  in  common  with 
many  other  competent  persons  who  are  equally  ac- 
complished and  instructed. 

But,  as  we  have  already  declared  in  this  essay  on 
"  Etiquette,"  our  sole  object  is  to  collate  various  ex- 
pressions on  these  and  other  mooted  points,  in  the 
hope  that  their  presentation  may  lead  to  the  estab- 
lishment of  more  clearly  defined  rules.  We  are 
therefore  equally  pleased  to  publish  opinions  of 
weight  when  presented  to  us,  whether  they  may 
happen  to  coincide  with  any  preconceived  notion  of 
our  own  or  not. 

No  one  can  overlook  the  almost  supreme  'political 
significance  to  be  attached  to  the  office  of  Speaker, 
especially  when  this  place  is  filled  by  an  able  states- 
man, as  the  incumbent  is  apt  to  be,  nor  the  actual 
dignity  of  the  position  as  apart  from  personal  ability. 
The  Speaker  is  the  chosen  head  of  that  legislative 
branch  which  most  truly  and  immediately  represents 
the  people, — not  the  irresponsible  masses,  but  the 
organized  people,  which  is  sovereign. 

In  England  the  office  of  Speaker  of  the  House  of 
Commons  is,  as  we  all  know,  one  of  signal  impor- 
tance, and  in  point  of  social  rank  takes  place  next  to 
the  peers  of  Great  Britain.  A  very  large  salary  is 
attached  to  the  office  in  order  to  enable  the  Speaker 


APPENDIX.  73 


to  hold  Parliamentary  levees  and  to  give  dinners  to 
the  members  of  the  House.  However,  no  comparison, 
it  seems  to  us,  may  be  properly  instituted  between 
the  office  of  the  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Commons 
and  that  of  the  House  of  Kepresentatives.  The  in- 
herited successorship  to  the  crown,  we  believe,  gives 
precedence  in  England  above  all  other  considera- 
tions, and  perhaps,  in  viewing  the  positions  of  the 
Vice-President  and  of  the  Speaker,  the  contingent 
Presidential  successorship  may  be  made  to  weigh  in 
the  same  sense.  Yet  it  does  not  strike  us  as  a  very 
republican  view  of  the  case,  or  one  to  which  any 
special  weight  ought  to  be  attached  in  determining 
the  relative  places  of  Vice-President,  Speaker,  and 
Chief  Justice.  It  would  be  more  in  accordance  with 
republican  ideas  to  assign  the  real  relative  place  ac- 
cording to  their  real  functions,  respectively  as  pre- 
siding officers  of  the  various  branches,  legislative  and 
judicial. 

Although  the  Chief  Justice  is  appointed  by  the 
President  and  confirmed  by  the  Senate,  yet  once  cre- 
ated he  becomes  the  grand  conservative  element  and 
head  of  the  nation,  before  whom  the  President  him- 
self may  be  arraigned  in  case  of  impeachment.  He 
moreover  holds  his  exalted  station  for  life,  so  that  he 
may  do  justice  without  fear  or  favor.  He  embodies, 
in  fact,  the  ultimate  human  conception  and  govern- 
mental shadowing  forth  of  godlike  prerogatives, 
and  should  receive  the  highest  tokens  of  respect. 


74  APPENDIX. 


We  cannot  too  jealously  guard  intact  such  conser- 
vative force  as  the  Constitution  gives  us  to  be  used 
as  safeguards  against  the  aggressive  tendencies  of  a 
democracy. 

There  is  also  another  matter  upon  which  much  con- 
fusion exists,  and  that  is  with  regard  to  first  visits  to 
be  made  between  persons  holding  relatively  the  same 
office,  as  among  Senators  for  instance.  There  exists  a 
rough  paper,  endorsed  in  Mr.  Jefferson's  hand,  con- 
cerning the  etiquette  of  the  Government,  as  agreed 
upon  by  General  Washington,  and  it  may  serve  a 
good  purpose  in  this  connection  to  transcribe  it  entire. 
It  may  assist  to  elucidate  some  other  points  equally 
unsettled  at  present.  We  have  already  republished 
the  letter  of  John  Quincy  Adams,  and  when  this 
paper  of  Mr.  Jefferson  is  added  we  shall  have  given 
perhaps  the  only  other  published  authority  which 
may  be  brought  to  bear.     Mr.  Jefferson  says : 

"  In  order  to  bring  the  members  of  society  together 
in  the  first  instance,  the  custom  of  the  country  has 
established  that  residents  shall  pay  the  first  visit 
to  strangers,  and,  among  strangers,  first  comers  to 
later  comers,  foreign  and  domestic,  the  character  of 
stranger  ceasing  after  the  first  visit.  To  this  rule 
there  is  a  single  exception.  Foreign  ministers,  from 
the  necessity  of  making  themselves  known,  pay  the 
first  visit  to  the  ministers  of  the  nation,  which  is  re- 
turned. 


APPENDIX.  75 


"  I.  When  brought  together  in  society,  all  are  per- 
fectly equal,  whether  foreign  or  domestic,  titled  or 
untitled,  in  or  out  of  office.  All  other  observances 
are  but  exemplifications  of  these  two  principles, 

"  First.  The  families  of  foreign  ministers  arriving 
at  the  seat  of  government  receive  the  first  visit  from 
those  of  the  national  ministers,  as  from  all  other 
residents. 

"  Second.  Members  of  the  legislature  and  of  the 
judiciary,  independent  of  their  offices,  have  a  right  as 
strangers  to  receive  the  first  visit. 

"  II.  First.  No  title  being  admitted  here,  those  of 
foreigners  give  no  precedence. 

"  Second.  Differences  of  grade  among  the  diplo- 
matic members  give  no  precedence. 

"  Third.  At  public  ceremonies,  to  which  the  Gov- 
ernment invites  the  presence  of  foreign  ministers  and 
their  families,  a  convenient  seat  or  station  will  be 
provided  for  them,  with  any  other  strangers  invited, 
and  the  families  of  the  national  ministers,  each  taking 
place  as  they  arrive  and  without  any  precedence. 

"  Fourth.  To  maintain  the  principle  of  equality  or 
of  p^le-m^le,  and  prevent  the  growth  of  precedence  out 
of  courtesy,  the  members  of  the  executive  will  prac- 
tise at  their  own  houses  and  recommend  an  adherence 
to  the  ancient  usage  of  the  country,  of  gentlemen  in 
mass  giving  precedence  to  the  ladies  in  mass  in  pass- 


76  APPENDIX. 


ing  from  one  apartment  where  they  are  assembled  to 
another."    (Vol.  ix.,  pp.  454-55,  Jefferson's  Works.) 

Several  points  are  to  be  noted  in  the  perusal  of  this 
paper.  Foreign  ministers  were  "  to  pay  the  first  visit 
to  the  ministers  of  the  nation"  simply  "  from  the  ne- 
cessity of  making  themselves  known"  to  the  Govern- 
ment near  which  they  are  accredited ;  nor  does  this 
visit  seem  to  have  been  exacted  of  them  in  other 
cases.  Nor  yet  did  this  necessity  extend  to  their  fami- 
lies, but  the  reverse. 

These  rules,  as  given  by  Jefferson,  enforce  some 
official  distinctions  for  the  actual  incumbent  of  office, 
and  at  the  same  time  "perfectly  equal"  social  status 
for  all  when  brought  together  in  society. 

Of  course,  in  a  purely  social  point,  one  must  ex- 
pect and  receive  recognition  as  an  "equal,"  or  other- 
wise there  can  be,  properly  speaking,  no  social  life. 
Yet  there  will  arise  public  and  other  occasions  of 
mere  formal  ceremony,  in  which  the  official  position 
cannot  be  lost  sight  of,  and  at  such  times  there  should 
be  no  social  misunderstanding. 

There  are  customs  which  make  a  sort  of  supple- 
mentary law ;  as,  for  instance,  in  the  case  of  address- 
ing the  President  in  writing.  Here  polite  usage  sanc- 
tions the  address  to  "  His  Excellency,"  although  the 
legislative  enactment  resolved  that  the  address  should 
be,  "To  the  President  of  the  United  States,"  without 
addition  of  title. 


APPENDIX.  77 


Yet  the  very  sentiment  which  caused  so  many- 
divers  committee  reports  before  this  resolution  was 
reached  has,  notwithstanding,  led  to  the  adoption  of 
some  added  title  of  respect  among  cultured  people. 
In  fact,  a  distinguished  committee  of  conference, 
originally  selected  by  both  Houses  to  consider  this 
matter,  reported  "  that,  in  the  opinion  of  the  commit- 
tee, it  will  be  proper  thus  to  address  the  President : 
^  His  Highness,  the  President  of  the  United  States 
and  Protector  of  their  Liberties/^'  Undoubtedly 
the  great  personal  veneration  in  which  Washington 
was  held  swayed  the  republican  minds  of  these  legis- 
lators in  this  instance,  although,  fortunately  for  the 
permanence  of  our  freedom,  we  escaped  the  inflic- 
tion of  the  title  of  "  Highness,"  as  addressed  to  any 
American  citizen. 


